Big Boys DO Cry: Rethinking Men’s Mental Health

Mental health challenges may sometimes remain unnoticed in men, as they tend to present differently than in women. Unlike in women, symptoms of mental health challenges in men may present as irritability, violent outbursts, risky behaviours and substance misuse.

While women tend to seek help for their mental health more often than men do, this doesn’t mean that men are any less affected by mental health issues. While more men are starting to seek help, there are still many who refuse to because they feel that it’s ‘unmanly’.

One of the biggest contributing factors that explains how mental health challenges present in men is how they were raised. As children, we mostly learn through observation. So boys learn what is socially acceptable by observing their fathers or other male role models in their lives. As such, many boys learn at a young age that ‘boys don’t cry’, leading them to suffer in silence. Not seeing men admit when they are struggling or reaching out for help can lead to boys seeing vulnerability as weakness.

Boys who are raised in environments where their fathers turn to alcohol or other substances to cope or numb their pain, may later on adopt these behaviors as copings strategies, albeit, unhealthy. The similar pattern may occur when being exposed to fathers or other adult males who are aggressive or violent. What we grow up seeing becomes normalised to us, even though it is not actually normal.

Boys who were mocked or punished for displaying emotions learn early on that it is not okay to cry and that sensitivity is a weakness. This means that they may grow into adults who avoid their own emotions. Not just that – but because they don’t develop the ability to identify and understand emotions, they are also not able to empathise with loved loves. In my professional experience, men struggle significantly more than women to name negative emotions. The most common negative emotion that men seem to identify is anger (a more surface level, ‘powerful’ emotion) as opposed to more vulnerable emotions such as grief, disappointment, or betrayal. So it’s not uncommon for men to struggle with identifying, understanding and regulating their emotions. The emotions that we do not allow ourselves to feel can create other problems – health issues, substance issues, aggression and relationship issues.

Boys who grow up in ‘traditional’ families, learn that their role as men is to be a provider. So when they face challenges in adulthood, especially in our current socio-economic context, they carry a huge burden, often silently. There is often embarrassment and shame when one isn’t able to provide as they’d like, and not knowing how to channel such emotions effectively, can lead to significant mental health challenges.

It is important to note that men who attend therapy (willingly) report improved wellbeing and improved relationships. There is a huge relief that comes with understanding why we are the way that we are, and that we have the capacity to change. Emotional expression is also the key to resilience. Because stress is inevitable in life, resilience is an essential skill.

We need to raise boys and girls in the same way – encouraging and modelling emotional expression. Model healthy help-seeking behaviour, such as supportive relationships. Teach adaptive coping skills so they can deal with stress effectively.

If you are a man who wants to improve your mental health, start by working on your emotional literacy. Start to identify your emotions before they become outbursts. Learn healthy coping strategies and know that seeking help is a strength, not weakness.

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Managing Panic Attacks: Grounding Techniques That Really Work

Panic attacks are sudden, intense waves of fear or discomfort that can strike without warning. Though they may feel overwhelming, they are more common than many people realise, and crucially – they are manageable. Equipping yourself with coping effective techniques can help you regain a sense of calm and reduce the impact of panic attacks on your everyday life.

This article explores grounding techniques – simple, science-backed strategies that help you reconnect with the present moment and soothe anxiety, giving you a greater sense of control and wellbeing.

Understanding Panic Attacks

Panic attacks come  from the body’s natural fight-or-flight response. When faced with perceived danger, real or imagined,your nervous system releases a surge of adrenaline. This triggers physical symptoms such as a racing heart, shallow breathing, dizziness, and a feeling of fear or panic. While upsetting, these are normal bodily reactions designed to protect us.

Recognising that panic attacks are not a sign of weakness but a biological response is key to managing them. They are often linked with anxiety disorders, and approaching them with knowledge and compassion can make all the difference.

The Science Behind Grounding

Grounding techniques work by shifting your attention from internal panic to external reality. By consciously engaging your senses, these methods interrupt the anxiety loop and help stabilise your nervous system. Studies show that grounding practices can effectively calm the body and restore a sense of calm and safety.

Five Grounding Techniques That Work

  1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique
     This method engages all five senses to anchor you in the present.

 Name:

  • 5 things you see
  • 4 things you feel
  • 3 things you hear
  • 2 things you smell
  • 1 thing you taste It’s a quick way to shift focus from anxious thoughts to the physical world around you.
  1. Deep Belly Breathing
    Also known as diaphragmatic breathing, this technique slows your breath and heart rate. Inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for two, and exhale through your mouth for six counts. Repeat until you feel your body settle.
  2. Mindful Movement
    Gentle movement—like stretching or slow arm circles—grounds you in your body. These slow, deliberate actions shift your focus from racing thoughts to physical sensation.
  3. Positive Affirmations
    Repeating phrases like “I am safe” or “this feeling will pass” can disrupt the cycle of panic and replace it with a sense of calm.
  4. Engaging with an Object
    Hold a textured item or an ice cube in your hand. Focusing on its temperature or texture diverts your mind and brings your awareness back to the moment.

Make Grounding Part of Daily Life

The power of grounding lies in regular practice, not just during a panic attack, but as part of everyday self-care. Setting aside time to breathe, reflect, or engage your senses helps build emotional resilience. Whether during meditation or a quiet pause in a busy day, these small moments of reconnection can reduce the frequency and intensity of a panic attack.

When to Seek Professional Help

While grounding techniques are valuable, they don’t replace professional care. If panic attacks are frequent or interfere with your life, reaching out to a mental health professional is essential. Therapists, psychologists, and support services can provide tailored strategies that lead to lasting relief.

Grounding techniques offer a practical, empowering way to manage panic attacks and restore calm. By turning your attention outward and connecting with your body and senses, you can gently ease panic and rebuild emotional stability. Start small, practise regularly, and remember: reaching out for support is a sign of strength.

At Medshield Mind, we’re here to support your journey to mental wellbeing – because your peace of mind matters.

 

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Compassion Fatigue

While compassion and empathy are admirable qualities, there is a tipping point which can lead to emotional exhaustion and depletion. Compassion fatigue refers to a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that results from caring for or helping those who are suffering in some way. This can impact one both personally and professionally.

The term ‘compassion fatigue’ was first used in the 1990s by psychologist and trauma expert, Charles Figley, who observed that healthcare professionals (especially those working with trauma) often developed symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Figley’s work opened the door to further understanding how secondary exposure to trauma could impact helpers in any caregiving capacity. Hence, compassion fatigue is also referred to as vicarious or secondary trauma.

Compassion fatigue is commonly associated with those in helping professions, such as nurses, mental health practitioners, first responders, teachers, caregivers, social workers and those in related professions.

Compassion fatigue can manifest in subtle yet powerful ways. Some of the common signs include:

  • Emotional numbness or detachment
  • Cynicism (e.g. a nurse saying that she wishes that someone who attempted suicide actually succeeded).
  • Irritability
  • Sleep difficulties
  • Chronic fatigue
  • Loss of meaning or purpose in work
  • Social withdrawal
  • Somatic symptoms (such as headaches or abdominal issues)

Early recognition of the signs is key to preventing long term emotional depletion.

People who are naturally empathic or are in long-term caregiving roles are most susceptible to compassion fatigue. Those who work with trauma survivors or in settings with high emotional demand coupled with low organizational support are also at high risk. It appears that women are affected more, likely due to societal expectations around caregiving and emotional labor.

However, it’s not just those in caring professions that are susceptible. Highly sensitive people or empaths may be vulnerable to compassion fatigue as they naturally absorb the energy of those around them. A parent who is emotionally attuned to their child’s distress may also be affected, as would a parentified child who becomes a source of support for a parent in constant distress. Friends who are the go-to person in their circle and gives more than they receive may also be affected. Another vulnerable population are volunteers in crisis or humanitarian settings or activists who are repeatedly exposed to situations of social injustice.

Other factors that may make one more prone to compassion fatigue include personal history of trauma (especially if not resolved), ineffective coping skills, poor boundaries and inadequate self-care routines.

If you may be at risk, prevention is always key. Some methods of prevention include:

  • Learning to set healthy boundaries
  • Prioritising physical and mental rest
  • Regular self-care practices
  • Regular debriefing or supervision in professional settings
  • Mindfulness
  • Grounding practices
  • Therapy
  • Time in nature
  • Engaging in activities that evoke joy

If you think that you may already be affected by compassion fatigue, the first step is to acknowledge it and then seek support. Support may be from a supervisor, therapist or peer. Consider whether a break from caregiving roles or exposure to others’ suffering may be necessary. Create a plan of small but consistent steps to replenish your reserves. This may include: prioritising good quality sleep, catharsis, healthier boundaries, reconnecting with hobbies, journaling or spiritual practices.

Something that I personally find to be a strong protective factor against compassion fatigue is having a higher/spiritual understanding of suffering. This helps me focus on what is in my control and do my best, while acknowledging that I am not in control of the outcome.

While compassion is a valuable characteristic, it should never come at the expense of your own well-being. Compassion must include self-compassion. It helps to regularly reflect on whether our compassion and empathy are nourishing or depleting us. With regular self-care, we can continue to care for others, not from a place of depletion but from a place of strength and longevity.

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Impact of Stress on Our Body and Nervous System

Impact of stress on our body and nervous system (and the actions we can take to regulate our nervous system)

Stress is something we all encounter in our day to day. Life is fast paced and rushing from one thing to the next, often under pressure, is something that has become the norm. But this norm can have detrimental effects on our health and we want to try to manage our stress better so that we can help our bodies be at their best

When we are stressed, our body turns on the ‘fight- or flight’ response ie our body is preparing us for a ‘fight’. Stress hormones increase, muscles start to tense up, blood pressure and heart rate increases and bodily functions that are not required for ‘fight’ are down regulated. – digestion for example!

While this response is useful in situations where we indeed need the above, it can have negative effects on our health and well being in the long run if we don’t learn to come out of it and to decompress and relax.

But how can we do this and help our bodies to ‘just chill’? Here are some tips!

  1. Breathe!
    Deep belly breathing activates our ‘rest and digest’ nervous system. Try to do some breath work or give box breathing a try. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and repeat at least 5 times.
  2. Mindfulness and Meditation
    Regular meditation practises and mindfulness work such as journaling has been found to positively affect overall stress levels
  3. Movement
    Movement, regardless of what it looks like, increases endorphins aka happy hormones and down regulates the stress response. Try for 15minutes daily!
  4. Time in nature
    Time outside has significant effects on our overall health and well being. Something as simple as going outside into the sun for a few minutes or walking on grass barefoot can put you into a more relaxed state.
  5. Sleep/overall rest
    Sleep is crucial for overall health. We want to aim for about 6-8 hours per night.

Implementing some of these things can have a significant effect on overall stress levels. A little goes a long way and it’s all about making small, sustainable changes for our health!

 

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The Impact of Childhood Emotional Neglect in Adulthood

Children have more than just physical and material needs. They have emotional needs too. Even if a child’s material needs (food, clothing, education, etc.) were met, it is still possible that they were emotionally neglected.

Childhood emotional neglect is when a child’s emotional needs are consistently not met. Some of these needs include feeling loved, feeling a sense of belonging and acceptance, emotional validation, nurturing, empathy, support, encouragement and emotional safety. Emotional neglect can be difficult to identify, because by its very nature, it has to do with what the child did not get – as opposed to what they did get.

Examples of Childhood Emotional Neglect:

  • A child feels sad after being excluded by a friend group and the parent scolds them for crying.
  • A child gets a B in a test, but the parent asks why they couldn’t get an A like their friend.
  • A parent seeks emotional support in their child by sharing financial struggles or marital issues.
  • A child speaks about something that excites them, but the parent is focused on their phone.
  • A child shares disappointment about not being selecting for a sports team, and the parents criticize the child for not trying harder.

Children whose emotional needs are not met learn to suppress their emotions as they start to believe that their emotions do not matter. This belief starts to infiltrate into adulthood.

How Childhood Emotional Neglect Manifests in Adulthood

Adults whose emotional needs were not met in childhood often struggle with low self esteem and self doubt. They may become self-critical as a result of internalizing critical voices that they’ve heard in childhood. This can lead to perfectionism as a way to seek validation and impostor syndrome as they doubt their own abilities and worth.

Another significant consequence is poor emotion regulation. In fact, it is common for such adults to either feel disconnected from their emotions and struggle to identify what they are feeling. Because the express of emotions was unsafe, not modelled or encouraged in childhood, it can lead the child to disconnect from their emotions. They may compensate for this by overthinking.

Childhood emotional neglect can lead to challenges in adult relationships in a few different ways.
Some examples include:

  • Hyper-independence as they’ve learned that they have to have their own backs
  • Difficulty trusting others, because they fear disappointment
  • People pleasing, as a means of getting validation
  • Emotional unavailability as they may fear rejection
  • Accepting less than the bare minimum if they feel that they don’t deserve more
  • Emotional hypervigilance, where they read into micro expressions and body language (often incorrectly).
  • Anxious attachment where they require excessive reassurance.

Some other manifestations of childhood emotional neglect in adulthood are self sabotage (due to fear of failure), indecision (due to fear of someone being disappointed in their choices or not having received guidance in decision-making as a child), low self esteem (due to being compared to others or not being validated) and becoming the ‘rescuer’ in relationships (as they learnt this role early on).

Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect

  • Acknowledge the experiences that shaped you, while practicing self compassion.
  • Reflect on feelings as a regular practice to develop greater emotional awareness
  • Find safe spaces to express emotions, either by journaling or by speaking to others who are emotionally safe
  • Reparenting is a useful practice, where as adults, we start to give to ourselves things that we wish we had as children. This includes validation, encouragement, compassion, patience and allowing ourselves to feel all our feelings without judgement.
  • Notice your self talk and make a point of replacing any judgmental thoughts with self compassion.
  • Be more intentional about the relationships that you choose.
  • Be clear on your values and priorities and align your decision making accordingly.
  • Notice where you can set healthier boundaries.
  • Therapy is often useful to understand how our childhood has shaped us, and more importantly to learn the tools to break those cycles.

While the scars of emotional neglect may be invisible, there is a clear impact on our adult lives. With self awareness, reflection and intention, we are capable of healthier relationships and living emotionally rich lives.

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Design your life: The daily (inner) pilgrimage, a journey to optimal mental health.

I want to call your attention to the word “pilgrimage” in the title of this article. The definition of pilgrimage I would like to use is as follows: “A journey made to some sacred place, as an act of seeking spiritual growth, enlightenment and healing” ~ Oxford Dictionary.

The idea of a daily inner pilgrimage draws from the original meaning above. However, as you read further, I would like you to ponder this thought: ‘One of the most underrated heroes of the human experience is the gift of agency’. The gift of agency is that you can self-reinvent at any given moment in your life so that you are never boxed into being one thing for the rest of your life or confined to a problem for life.

This is the ideological base I wanted to start this article with. Now, what are some tools (both practical and mental) that we can use to design our lives to achieve optimal mental health?

1. Never lose hope: The first step in a transformation journey is hope and belief in the majesty of a new vision. To truly transform your life, you have to believe that something new, amazing and breath-taking will happen for you.

2. Your inner power: I know people often use the phrase ‘higher power’ but I am more drawn to the notion of an ‘inner power’. I start my day by dedicating 1 hour of intentional prayer and indulging in long stretches of silence, seeking to hear the innermost holy voice within me. You have to find what works for you, but I truly believe, that before you hear the noise and loudness of the voices outside you, establish your secure footing through the voice in you.

3. Listen to music: Listening to music heals the soul and revives joy for life. Bob Marley said it well when he uttered the words “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”.

4. Detox your body at least once a year: I do a juice detox for 7 days and thereafter for 2 weeks I eat only fruits and vegetables. You will be amazed at how superhuman you will feel after a proper inner detox.

5. Exercise: You don’t have to complicate this one. Not all of us are gym natives (including myself). You can start simply by getting a skipping rope, taking walks in your neighbourhood if it’s safe, going for an easy hike, etc. The goal is to kickstart the habit of just moving your body. Researchers have highlighted the proven benefits that exercise has in improving our mental health.

6. Empower yourself with knowledge: If you are going through a difficult period, it’s understandable how sometimes you don’t feel like being around people and talking. That’s why resources like the Medshield Mindare important because they play a part in providing knowledge & tools in your period of solitude.

7. Do things that unleash your inner child: This has got to be one of my favourite tools. I go to theme parks, eat ice cream from a cone, and play with my young nieces. These things help me get out of my mind and connect with my body & surroundings.

8. Practice being joyful: I believe that joy is a decision! Someone I admire referred to joy as “unconditional and unreasonable happiness”. Click this link to listen to more insights about joy:
https://www.youtube.com/live/EloWN1RDdLU?si=tNKNBEAtOWE3b9uz

I would love to end with this thought: Never let a difficult moment or season define your entire existence.

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Weaponised Incompetence in Relationships: What it is and How to Overcome it

“But you’re so good at it!”

“I don’t want to do it wrong.”

“You’re so much better at it than I am.

These phrases capture the essence of ‘weaponised incompetence’. Weaponised incompetence refers to the expression of inability to perform a task – or performing a task poorly, to prevent having to do it in future. While this is mostly spoken about in the context of domestic relationships, it can also apply to the workplace and other relationships.

A classic example is when one partner assumes responsibility for cooking and wants the task to be shared. However, when the partner does take a turn, they leave the kitchen in such a huge mess, that the partner who asked for the load to be shared, now reassumes complete responsibility (to avoid the mess). This can lead to burnout and resentment.

A golden question is whether weaponised incompetence is intentional or not. There are certainly situations in which a person pretends to not be able to do something in order to avoid that task. However, there are cases in which this is unintentional, and may be a result of not being skilled at something or learned helplessness (made to believe that they’re not good at something). Another significant contributor (though not an excuse) is ADHD.

Because we are all raised differently, we are all conditioned differently. For example, those who were raised with stereotypical gender roles may grow into adults to whom it doesn’t even occur to participate in certain household tasks. I often see men whose mothers did everything for them, don’t even realise that they need to take on household responsibilities when they are married. It’s almost as if the chores they’ve never had to participate in are invisible to them. This is often what contributes to the ‘mental load’ carried by many women. On the other hand, a child who was expected to routinely perform certain chores (e.g. making up the bed) may prioritise this, while it may never occur to their partner to do.

Weaponised incompetence isn’t a gender based problem, though. And neither is it limited to domestic chores. One partner may be the one who has to make all plans and bookings, because it’s decided that they are better at it. However, this can lead them to feel unloved due to the lack of effort from their significant other.

Weaponised incompetence can have negative effects on a relationship. The most common of these is resentment in the person who over-functions to make up for the partner who under-functions. Burnout is another factor, especially when one partner carries a heavy load, leaving them with little to no time for selfcare. Weaponised incompetence can also lead to a breakdown in trust as the partner who carries the bigger load is likely to feel unsupported.

In order to move toward a more harmonious way of sharing the load, communication is key. Both parties need to express their needs clearly and directly in a respectful manner. Be clear on what your expectations of each other are. In healthy relationships, there is willingness to find amicable solutions and work as a team.
E.g. if one partner is diagnosed as having ADHD, then it is important to learn tools to manage this condition so it does not impact negatively on the marriage. What’s key is that it is not one partner’s responsibility to manage the process, as that then becomes a chore for them.

Ideally, there should be agreement on who is responsible for what, understanding that this may never feel ‘equal’. It should however feel fair, considering each person’s available time, capacity, skills and preferences. Prioritise working as a team.

A rule I live by is that if I am particular about how a certain task is performed, then I will perform it myself. This prevents the frustration of someone not doing it my way.

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A Personal Reflection on Burnout and Depression

A Personal Reflection on My Journey with Burnout and Depression

Mental health is often underestimated until it becomes impossible to ignore. For a long time, I believed I was unbreakable—someone who could push through any challenge, having performed at an elite level on the sports field. But in the blink of an eye, everything changed, and I learned just how fragile my mental health really was.

A Day of Realisation

February 8th, 2024, is a day I’ll never forget. It was the day my world broke—both literally and metaphorically. I found myself at a breaking point, physically and emotionally exhausted, standing in the wreckage of my kitchen, feeling utterly overwhelmed. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had pushed myself too far for too long without realising the cost. It had taken months of ignoring the warning signs before I admitted that I needed help. The hard truth was, I couldn’t face this alone anymore.

That moment was a wake-up call. It was a pivotal point where I realised that reaching out for support wasn’t a sign of weakness, but an essential step toward healing.

On that same day, I took the first steps toward recovery. I reached out to my psychologist, who guided me toward understanding the depth of my burnout and depression. Following that, I visited my GP, and after a thorough discussion, I was admitted to Hillcrest Private Hospital under the care of a psychiatrist. It was a difficult decision to make, but it was the right one for myself and my family.

I am only at the beginning of my recovery journey but I had had some clear realisations and takeaways that I would like to share:

Key takeaways:

  1. Mental health can affect anyone
    I once thought mental health challenges were something that only others experienced, or perhaps people who weren’t strong enough to handle pressure. But burnout and depression don’t discriminate. Even those who seem invincible on the outside can face significant mental health struggles.
  2. Recognising the signs is crucial
    It took me a long time to recognise the subtle signs of burnout creeping in. Ignoring the feeling of constant exhaustion, the overwhelming anxiety, and the physical symptoms was a mistake I regret. The lesson here is that awareness and early intervention are key. Listening to your body and mind, and acknowledging when something is wrong, can make all the difference.
  3. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness
    Asking for help is not a sign of failure; it’s a step toward recovery. I had to let go of the idea that I could do everything on my own. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional, reaching out for support is vital. There’s strength in vulnerability and acknowledging that we need help is an important step in regaining our well-being.
  4. Taking care of your mental health is a long-term commitment
    Healing from burnout and depression isn’t a quick fix. It requires ongoing care, patience, and understanding. I’ve learned that mental health needs to be prioritised, just like physical health. Regular therapy, medication when necessary, and taking time to rest and recharge are all part of the process.

A New Perspective on Mental Health

Since that day, my life has changed in many ways. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of mental health awareness and the need for open conversations about it. No longer will I shy away from acknowledging my struggles, and I encourage others to do the same. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and it deserves the same level of attention and care.

If you’re reading this and find yourself in a similar position, please know that you are not alone. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling, and it’s okay to seek help. Your well-being matters and taking that first step toward recovery is something to be proud of.

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TOXIC POSITIVITY

‘Just look on the bright side!’

‘Good vibes only!’

‘Everything happens for a reason.’

Many of us have been on the receiving end of such comments. While positive thinking is beneficial to our physical and mental health, toxic positivity can be counterproductive and even harmful. Toxic positivity refers to the expectation that we should be positive at all times and in all situations. The problem with toxic positivity is that it invalidates and discounts the expression of authentic emotions. Toxic positivity is when we are expected to suppress negative emotions evoked by adverse experiences.

While such comments may be accompanied by good intentions, the failure to acknowledge someone’s pain can be invalidating. This invalidation can lead someone who is in pain to feel lonely, isolate themselves and suffer and silence. Further it can lead to one feeling ashamed of their emotions, which in turn negatively impacts on one’s mental health.

You can be a positive person and still experience negative emotions. Negative emotions are not bad – they are mostly appropriate reactions to negative situations.  Part of being human is to experience a full range of emotions. However, those who are uncomfortable with emotions are unable to hold space for the emotions of others.

Telling someone who is depressed to ‘think positive’ is like telling someone with a broken leg to walk – it is insensitive and unempathetic. When a person goes through negative life experiences, it is only natural to feel negative emotions. Suppressing these appropriate emotions can lead to emotional dysregulation, increased anxiety and even physical symptoms.

The other danger of toxic positivity is that it can negatively impact on relationships. When a person feels that they need to hide their true feelings as others expect them to be happy all of the time, there is inevitably emotional distance in that relationship. This breakdown of trust reduces the opportunity for authentic connection.

To better understand toxic positivity, let’s look at some common phrases and what to say instead:

Toxic Phrase: ‘Think positive’

Why it’s harmful: this phrase minimises pain and trauma, especially if the person has experienced something traumatic.

Alternative: ‘I can see this is really hard for you. I am here if you would like to talk about it.’

 

Toxic Phrase: ‘It could have been worse.’

Why it’s harmful: even if it is true, comparing someone’s pain to another invalidates their experience. Just because others may have it worse, it doesn’t mean that it’s not difficult.

Alternative: ‘It’s okay to feel sad about this.’

 

Toxic Phrase: ‘Everything happens for a reason’

Why it’s harmful: It’s not helpful for someone in the midst of grief or a victim of trauma to hear this. People need comfort in times of distress.

Alternative: ‘I don’t know why such awful things happen to good people, but I am here for you. Let me know how I can best support you right now.’

 

Many motivational speakers use the line that we all have 24 hours in a day, so we should all be able to achieve great things. The reality is that our 24 hours are not equal, as we all have different resources and different responsibilities. A person with a personal chef, PA and personal trainer can achieve more than a single mum who is juggling her career, parenting, aging parents, illness and financial stress. Toxic positivity fails to take into account realistic systemic inequalities.

While we should avoid toxic positivity, we should strive for healthy optimism. Healthy optimism acknowledges suffering, but also focuses on finding glimmers during dark times. It means validating both positive and negative emotions. Healthy optimism is rooted in reality, focuses on growing from adversity and promotes self compassion.

The best thing that you can do for someone in pain is to truly see them – not to make them feel better. Allow people to feel what they need to feel before moving on to problem-solving.

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Spin the Wheel to Balance Your Life

In our fast-paced world, achieving a balanced life often feels elusive. Yet, understanding and nurturing all facets of our existence is crucial for optimal wellness. Enter the Wellbeing Wheel—a transformative tool that offers a holistic approach to self-assessment and growth.

What Is the Wellbeing Wheel?

The Wellbeing Wheel, grounded in Systems Theory, encourages viewing life as an interconnected circle rather than a linear path. It divides life into eight essential categories: Physical, Medical, Environmental, Spiritual, Interpersonal, Financial, Occupational, and Intrapersonal.

By evaluating each segment, individuals can identify areas of strength and aspects needing attention, promoting a more integrated and fulfilling life.

The Eight Dimensions of Wellbeing

  1. Physical Wellbeing: This encompasses habits related to substance use, nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Reflect on questions like:
    • Am I free from addictions?
    • Do I maintain a balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables?
    • Is regular physical activity part of my routine?
    • Do I prioritise sufficient, quality sleep?
  2. Medical Wellbeing: Focuses on overall health, including sexual health, absence of chronic pain, and vital statistics such as blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Consider:
    • Are my reproductive organs healthy?
    • Do I experience frequent illnesses or allergies?
    • Are my blood pressure and cholesterol within healthy ranges?
  3. Environmental Wellbeing: Relates to one’s surroundings and their impact on health. Reflect on:
    • Do I have access to natural spaces like parks or beaches?
    • Do I feel safe in my living and working environments?
    • Is my environment organised and free from clutter?
  4. Spiritual Wellbeing: Involves a sense of purpose and connection to something greater. Ask yourself:
    • Do I have a set of beliefs or values that guide me?
    • Do I engage in practices that nurture my spirit, such as meditation or prayer?
    • Do I feel a sense of inner peace and fulfilment?
  5. Interpersonal Wellbeing: Centers on relationships with others. Consider:
    • Do I have meaningful connections with family and friends?
    • Am I able to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts?
    • Do I feel a sense of belonging within my community?
  6. Financial Wellbeing: Pertains to financial health and stability. Reflect on:
    • Do I have a budget and adhere to it?
    • Am I free from excessive debt?
    • Do I feel confident about my financial future?
  7. Occupational Wellbeing: Relates to satisfaction and growth in one’s work. Ask yourself:
    • Do I find my work fulfilling and aligned with my values?
    • Do I have opportunities for professional development?
    • Is there a healthy work-life balance in my life?
  8. Intrapersonal Wellbeing: Focuses on self-awareness and internal health. Consider:
    • Am I aware of my emotions and able to manage them?
    • Do I engage in self-reflection and personal growth activities?
    • Do I have a positive self-image and self-esteem?

Utilising the Wellbeing Wheel

To effectively use the Wellbeing Wheel:

  • Self-Assessment: Honestly evaluate each category, rating your satisfaction and identifying areas needing improvement.
  • Set Goals: For aspects requiring attention, establish specific, achievable goals.
  • Action Plan: Develop a plan to address these goals, incorporating new habits or seeking support where necessary.
  • Regular Review: Periodically reassess your wellbeing to track progress and make adjustments.

Benefits of the Wellbeing Wheel

Implementing the Wellbeing Wheel offers numerous advantages:

  • Holistic Insight: Provides a comprehensive view of your life, highlighting interconnectedness between different areas.
  • Balanced Living: Encourages attention to all life aspects, promoting overall health and happiness.
  • Personal Empowerment: Empowers you to take control of your wellbeing, fostering self-awareness and proactive growth.

Conclusion

The Wellbeing Wheel serves as a valuable guide on the journey to a balanced and fulfilling life. By regularly assessing and nurturing each dimension, you can achieve optimal wellbeing. Embrace this holistic approach and take the first step towards a more integrated and vibrant life today.

For a practical tool to assist in this journey, download the Wellbeing Wheel Poster and accompanying instructions from Claire Newton’s website.

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