I want to call your attention to the word “pilgrimage” in the title of this article. The definition of pilgrimage I would like to use is as follows: “A journey made to some sacred place, as an act of seeking spiritual growth, enlightenment and healing” ~ Oxford Dictionary.

The idea of a daily inner pilgrimage draws from the original meaning above. However, as you read further, I would like you to ponder this thought: ‘One of the most underrated heroes of the human experience is the gift of agency’. The gift of agency is that you can self-reinvent at any given moment in your life so that you are never boxed into being one thing for the rest of your life or confined to a problem for life.

This is the ideological base I wanted to start this article with. Now, what are some tools (both practical and mental) that we can use to design our lives to achieve optimal mental health?

1. Never lose hope: The first step in a transformation journey is hope and belief in the majesty of a new vision. To truly transform your life, you have to believe that something new, amazing and breath-taking will happen for you.

2. Your inner power: I know people often use the phrase ‘higher power’ but I am more drawn to the notion of an ‘inner power’. I start my day by dedicating 1 hour of intentional prayer and indulging in long stretches of silence, seeking to hear the innermost holy voice within me. You have to find what works for you, but I truly believe, that before you hear the noise and loudness of the voices outside you, establish your secure footing through the voice in you.

3. Listen to music: Listening to music heals the soul and revives joy for life. Bob Marley said it well when he uttered the words “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”.

4. Detox your body at least once a year: I do a juice detox for 7 days and thereafter for 2 weeks I eat only fruits and vegetables. You will be amazed at how superhuman you will feel after a proper inner detox.

5. Exercise: You don’t have to complicate this one. Not all of us are gym natives (including myself). You can start simply by getting a skipping rope, taking walks in your neighbourhood if it’s safe, going for an easy hike, etc. The goal is to kickstart the habit of just moving your body. Researchers have highlighted the proven benefits that exercise has in improving our mental health.

6. Empower yourself with knowledge: If you are going through a difficult period, it’s understandable how sometimes you don’t feel like being around people and talking. That’s why resources like the Medshield Mindare important because they play a part in providing knowledge & tools in your period of solitude.

7. Do things that unleash your inner child: This has got to be one of my favourite tools. I go to theme parks, eat ice cream from a cone, and play with my young nieces. These things help me get out of my mind and connect with my body & surroundings.

8. Practice being joyful: I believe that joy is a decision! Someone I admire referred to joy as “unconditional and unreasonable happiness”. Click this link to listen to more insights about joy:
https://www.youtube.com/live/EloWN1RDdLU?si=tNKNBEAtOWE3b9uz

I would love to end with this thought: Never let a difficult moment or season define your entire existence.

“But you’re so good at it!”

“I don’t want to do it wrong.”

“You’re so much better at it than I am.

These phrases capture the essence of ‘weaponised incompetence’. Weaponised incompetence refers to the expression of inability to perform a task – or performing a task poorly, to prevent having to do it in future. While this is mostly spoken about in the context of domestic relationships, it can also apply to the workplace and other relationships.

A classic example is when one partner assumes responsibility for cooking and wants the task to be shared. However, when the partner does take a turn, they leave the kitchen in such a huge mess, that the partner who asked for the load to be shared, now reassumes complete responsibility (to avoid the mess). This can lead to burnout and resentment.

A golden question is whether weaponised incompetence is intentional or not. There are certainly situations in which a person pretends to not be able to do something in order to avoid that task. However, there are cases in which this is unintentional, and may be a result of not being skilled at something or learned helplessness (made to believe that they’re not good at something). Another significant contributor (though not an excuse) is ADHD.

Because we are all raised differently, we are all conditioned differently. For example, those who were raised with stereotypical gender roles may grow into adults to whom it doesn’t even occur to participate in certain household tasks. I often see men whose mothers did everything for them, don’t even realise that they need to take on household responsibilities when they are married. It’s almost as if the chores they’ve never had to participate in are invisible to them. This is often what contributes to the ‘mental load’ carried by many women. On the other hand, a child who was expected to routinely perform certain chores (e.g. making up the bed) may prioritise this, while it may never occur to their partner to do.

Weaponised incompetence isn’t a gender based problem, though. And neither is it limited to domestic chores. One partner may be the one who has to make all plans and bookings, because it’s decided that they are better at it. However, this can lead them to feel unloved due to the lack of effort from their significant other.

Weaponised incompetence can have negative effects on a relationship. The most common of these is resentment in the person who over-functions to make up for the partner who under-functions. Burnout is another factor, especially when one partner carries a heavy load, leaving them with little to no time for selfcare. Weaponised incompetence can also lead to a breakdown in trust as the partner who carries the bigger load is likely to feel unsupported.

In order to move toward a more harmonious way of sharing the load, communication is key. Both parties need to express their needs clearly and directly in a respectful manner. Be clear on what your expectations of each other are. In healthy relationships, there is willingness to find amicable solutions and work as a team.
E.g. if one partner is diagnosed as having ADHD, then it is important to learn tools to manage this condition so it does not impact negatively on the marriage. What’s key is that it is not one partner’s responsibility to manage the process, as that then becomes a chore for them.

Ideally, there should be agreement on who is responsible for what, understanding that this may never feel ‘equal’. It should however feel fair, considering each person’s available time, capacity, skills and preferences. Prioritise working as a team.

A rule I live by is that if I am particular about how a certain task is performed, then I will perform it myself. This prevents the frustration of someone not doing it my way.

A Personal Reflection on My Journey with Burnout and Depression

Mental health is often underestimated until it becomes impossible to ignore. For a long time, I believed I was unbreakable—someone who could push through any challenge, having performed at an elite level on the sports field. But in the blink of an eye, everything changed, and I learned just how fragile my mental health really was.

A Day of Realisation

February 8th, 2024, is a day I’ll never forget. It was the day my world broke—both literally and metaphorically. I found myself at a breaking point, physically and emotionally exhausted, standing in the wreckage of my kitchen, feeling utterly overwhelmed. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had pushed myself too far for too long without realising the cost. It had taken months of ignoring the warning signs before I admitted that I needed help. The hard truth was, I couldn’t face this alone anymore.

That moment was a wake-up call. It was a pivotal point where I realised that reaching out for support wasn’t a sign of weakness, but an essential step toward healing.

On that same day, I took the first steps toward recovery. I reached out to my psychologist, who guided me toward understanding the depth of my burnout and depression. Following that, I visited my GP, and after a thorough discussion, I was admitted to Hillcrest Private Hospital under the care of a psychiatrist. It was a difficult decision to make, but it was the right one for myself and my family.

I am only at the beginning of my recovery journey but I had had some clear realisations and takeaways that I would like to share:

Key takeaways:

1. Mental health can affect anyone
   I once thought mental health challenges were something that only others experienced, or perhaps people who weren’t strong enough to handle pressure. But burnout and depression don’t discriminate. Even those who seem invincible on the outside can face significant mental health struggles.
2. Recognising the signs is crucial
   It took me a long time to recognise the subtle signs of burnout creeping in. Ignoring the feeling of constant exhaustion, the overwhelming anxiety, and the physical symptoms was a mistake I regret. The lesson here is that awareness and early intervention are key. Listening to your body and mind, and acknowledging when something is wrong, can make all the difference.
3. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness
   Asking for help is not a sign of failure; it’s a step toward recovery. I had to let go of the idea that I could do everything on my own. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional, reaching out for support is vital. There’s strength in vulnerability and acknowledging that we need help is an important step in regaining our well-being.
4. Taking care of your mental health is a long-term commitment
   Healing from burnout and depression isn’t a quick fix. It requires ongoing care, patience, and understanding. I’ve learned that mental health needs to be prioritised, just like physical health. Regular therapy, medication when necessary, and taking time to rest and recharge are all part of the process.

A New Perspective on Mental Health

Since that day, my life has changed in many ways. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of mental health awareness and the need for open conversations about it. No longer will I shy away from acknowledging my struggles, and I encourage others to do the same. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and it deserves the same level of attention and care.

If you’re reading this and find yourself in a similar position, please know that you are not alone. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling, and it’s okay to seek help. Your well-being matters and taking that first step toward recovery is something to be proud of.

‘Just look on the bright side!’

‘Good vibes only!’

‘Everything happens for a reason.’

Many of us have been on the receiving end of such comments. While positive thinking is beneficial to our physical and mental health, toxic positivity can be counterproductive and even harmful. Toxic positivity refers to the expectation that we should be positive at all times and in all situations. The problem with toxic positivity is that it invalidates and discounts the expression of authentic emotions. Toxic positivity is when we are expected to suppress negative emotions evoked by adverse experiences.

While such comments may be accompanied by good intentions, the failure to acknowledge someone’s pain can be invalidating. This invalidation can lead someone who is in pain to feel lonely, isolate themselves and suffer and silence. Further it can lead to one feeling ashamed of their emotions, which in turn negatively impacts on one’s mental health.

You can be a positive person and still experience negative emotions. Negative emotions are not bad – they are mostly appropriate reactions to negative situations.  Part of being human is to experience a full range of emotions. However, those who are uncomfortable with emotions are unable to hold space for the emotions of others.

Telling someone who is depressed to ‘think positive’ is like telling someone with a broken leg to walk – it is insensitive and unempathetic. When a person goes through negative life experiences, it is only natural to feel negative emotions. Suppressing these appropriate emotions can lead to emotional dysregulation, increased anxiety and even physical symptoms.

The other danger of toxic positivity is that it can negatively impact on relationships. When a person feels that they need to hide their true feelings as others expect them to be happy all of the time, there is inevitably emotional distance in that relationship. This breakdown of trust reduces the opportunity for authentic connection.

To better understand toxic positivity, let’s look at some common phrases and what to say instead:

Toxic Phrase: ‘Think positive’

Why it’s harmful: this phrase minimises pain and trauma, especially if the person has experienced something traumatic.

Alternative: ‘I can see this is really hard for you. I am here if you would like to talk about it.’

Toxic Phrase: ‘It could have been worse.’

Why it’s harmful: even if it is true, comparing someone’s pain to another invalidates their experience. Just because others may have it worse, it doesn’t mean that it’s not difficult.

Alternative: ‘It’s okay to feel sad about this.’

Toxic Phrase: ‘Everything happens for a reason’

Why it’s harmful: It’s not helpful for someone in the midst of grief or a victim of trauma to hear this. People need comfort in times of distress.

Alternative: ‘I don’t know why such awful things happen to good people, but I am here for you. Let me know how I can best support you right now.’

Many motivational speakers use the line that we all have 24 hours in a day, so we should all be able to achieve great things. The reality is that our 24 hours are not equal, as we all have different resources and different responsibilities. A person with a personal chef, PA and personal trainer can achieve more than a single mum who is juggling her career, parenting, aging parents, illness and financial stress. Toxic positivity fails to take into account realistic systemic inequalities.

While we should avoid toxic positivity, we should strive for healthy optimism. Healthy optimism acknowledges suffering, but also focuses on finding glimmers during dark times. It means validating both positive and negative emotions. Healthy optimism is rooted in reality, focuses on growing from adversity and promotes self compassion.

The best thing that you can do for someone in pain is to truly see them – not to make them feel better. Allow people to feel what they need to feel before moving on to problem-solving.

In our fast-paced world, achieving a balanced life often feels elusive. Yet, understanding and nurturing all facets of our existence is crucial for optimal wellness. Enter the Wellbeing Wheel—a transformative tool that offers a holistic approach to self-assessment and growth.

What Is the Wellbeing Wheel?

The Wellbeing Wheel, grounded in Systems Theory, encourages viewing life as an interconnected circle rather than a linear path. It divides life into eight essential categories: Physical, Medical, Environmental, Spiritual, Interpersonal, Financial, Occupational, and Intrapersonal.

By evaluating each segment, individuals can identify areas of strength and aspects needing attention, promoting a more integrated and fulfilling life.

The Eight Dimensions of Wellbeing

1. Physical Wellbeing: This encompasses habits related to substance use, nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Reflect on questions like:
   • Am I free from addictions?
   • Do I maintain a balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables?
   • Is regular physical activity part of my routine?
   • Do I prioritise sufficient, quality sleep?
2. Medical Wellbeing: Focuses on overall health, including sexual health, absence of chronic pain, and vital statistics such as blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Consider:
   • Are my reproductive organs healthy?
   • Do I experience frequent illnesses or allergies?
   • Are my blood pressure and cholesterol within healthy ranges?
3. Environmental Wellbeing: Relates to one’s surroundings and their impact on health. Reflect on:
   • Do I have access to natural spaces like parks or beaches?
   • Do I feel safe in my living and working environments?
   • Is my environment organised and free from clutter?
4. Spiritual Wellbeing: Involves a sense of purpose and connection to something greater. Ask yourself:
   • Do I have a set of beliefs or values that guide me?
   • Do I engage in practices that nurture my spirit, such as meditation or prayer?
   • Do I feel a sense of inner peace and fulfilment?
5. Interpersonal Wellbeing: Centers on relationships with others. Consider:
   • Do I have meaningful connections with family and friends?
   • Am I able to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts?
   • Do I feel a sense of belonging within my community?
6. Financial Wellbeing: Pertains to financial health and stability. Reflect on:
   • Do I have a budget and adhere to it?
   • Am I free from excessive debt?
   • Do I feel confident about my financial future?
7. Occupational Wellbeing: Relates to satisfaction and growth in one’s work. Ask yourself:
   • Do I find my work fulfilling and aligned with my values?
   • Do I have opportunities for professional development?
   • Is there a healthy work-life balance in my life?
8. Intrapersonal Wellbeing: Focuses on self-awareness and internal health. Consider:
   • Am I aware of my emotions and able to manage them?
   • Do I engage in self-reflection and personal growth activities?
   • Do I have a positive self-image and self-esteem?

Utilising the Wellbeing Wheel

To effectively use the Wellbeing Wheel:

• Self-Assessment: Honestly evaluate each category, rating your satisfaction and identifying areas needing improvement.
• Set Goals: For aspects requiring attention, establish specific, achievable goals.
• Action Plan: Develop a plan to address these goals, incorporating new habits or seeking support where necessary.
• Regular Review: Periodically reassess your wellbeing to track progress and make adjustments.

Benefits of the Wellbeing Wheel

Implementing the Wellbeing Wheel offers numerous advantages:

• Holistic Insight: Provides a comprehensive view of your life, highlighting interconnectedness between different areas.
• Balanced Living: Encourages attention to all life aspects, promoting overall health and happiness.
• Personal Empowerment: Empowers you to take control of your wellbeing, fostering self-awareness and proactive growth.

Conclusion

The Wellbeing Wheel serves as a valuable guide on the journey to a balanced and fulfilling life. By regularly assessing and nurturing each dimension, you can achieve optimal wellbeing. Embrace this holistic approach and take the first step towards a more integrated and vibrant life today.

For a practical tool to assist in this journey, download the Wellbeing Wheel Poster and accompanying instructions from Claire Newton’s website.

As we enter a new year, we must recognise that from time-to-time, everyone struggles with mental health issues. Just like, on occasion, everyone struggles with physical health issues.

No one judges you for seeing a doctor when you have the flu. So why would we judge each other for seeking help when we are down mentally? But whilst doctors are relatively easy to find (and we usually know when we need one), where do we even start to get help when we are down?

Mental health in South Africa

The 2023 Mental State of the World Report by Sapien Labs reveals that South Africa ranks among the bottom three countries for the Mental Health Quotient and out of 71 countries, has the highest percentage of people in distress. We need help – urgently.

Factors influencing our mental health

Financial stress, upbringing and socialisation, addiction, burnout, lack of positive role models, gender-based violence (GBV) and environmental influences such as poverty and pollution, all contribute to our state of wellness. With so many of us struggling with one or more of these issues, we need to get support before it becomes a crisis.

Breaking the stigma

But getting support poses a challenge, because stigma remains an issue. Will I be judged or labelled? Will people think I “can’t cope”? In many cultures, discussions about seeking help can be fraught with judgment.  A friend recently shared: “When you mention seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist to family, you instantly feel judged or that your issues are not ‘real’ compared to others’ struggles.”

Accessing mental health support

A further challenge to getting the help we need is that in South Africa, accessing mental health support is not always easy. A study by Docrat S. & Besada D., et al. in 2019 indicated that there is an average of only 0.31 psychiatrists per 100,000 people in the public sector, with a stark disparity between urban and rural areas. Furthermore, there is a critical shortage of child psychiatrists across the nine provinces.

Turning “mental health” into “mental help”?

So, what practical steps can we all take to access the help we need?

Become support savvy: If you or anyone you know are showing signs of crisis, there are numerous organisations and national helplines doing incredible work supporting South Africans. These include the SA Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), the Suicide Crisis Line, Lifeline, the National Gambling Hotline etc. These services are free of charge.

Normalise needing help: We need to normalise that getting support with our mental health is as normal as getting support for physical health challenges. We will do this by having open conversations about our mental health.

Where do we begin? From how we speak at the dinner table to how we respond when someone is not coping, everyone can start by listening with care and not jumping to judgement. Ask people questions like: “How is your mental and physical health at the moment?” rather than just: “How are you?”

Share your story: When you share your story of seeking support, it makes it easier for others to share their struggles. I have led numerous workshops where leaders share how they needed and looked for mental health support. The positive impact this has on others, is immense. Sharing personal stories about seeking help can play a vital role in breaking stigma.

Finally, there are only benefits from taking the plunge and getting help – no matter how hard it may be. A parent I recently spoke to, reported that she had initially delayed seeking support until reaching a crisis point: “It was difficult to start therapy and face challenges, but it provided me with perspective and helped me understand my behaviour patterns. Although I know my healing journey is long, I can now identify and change destructive behaviours, which has profoundly impacted my life and relationships.”

Let’s make 2025 a year of compassion for ourselves and others, and get the help we need to live full and happy lives.

As the year comes to a close, many people find themselves feeling drained. If this resonates with you, understanding the Exhaustion Funnel model might offer insight into how burnout develops and provide practical steps to restore balance in your life.

What Is the Exhaustion Funnel?

The Exhaustion Funnel, developed by Professor Marie Åsberg at the Karolinska Institute, shows what happens when we don’t have a balance between responsibilities and nourishing activities. The top of the funnel shows a healthy life where duties are balanced with activities that energise and replenish us. As stressors increase, we often sacrifice these “optional” activities to focus on what feels urgent.

Over time, the funnel narrows as we give up more of what sustains us. We might stop exercising, cooking healthy meals, or spending time with loved ones. This narrowing leads to a vicious cycle: without replenishment, our energy reserves become depleted, leaving us more exhausted and less equipped to handle stress, and spiralling down to the bottom of the funnel.

The Cost of Neglecting Self-Care

Self-care often feels indulgent or selfish, especially when we are overwhelmed with responsibilities. However, ignoring our need to recharge is like expecting our car to go without fuel—it’s unsustainable. We may fall into maladaptive coping habits like binge-watching series, scrolling on social media, skipping meals, or indulging in junk food or alcohol. These quick fixes might offer temporary relief but ultimately deplete our energy further.

If you are burnt out, you may experience symptoms such as:

• Increased irritability.
• A shrinking social life or feeling isolated.
• Avoidance of routine chores.
• Fatigue and loss of motivation.
• Changes in sleep and eating habits.
• Procrastination.

Why High Achievers Are Prone to Burnout

Those most at risk of burnout are often the most dedicated and conscientious individuals. Their commitment to work and others often overshadows their own needs, making it easy for them to fall into the funnel. The belief that self-care can wait until there’s more time is a trap—if stressors remain constant, delaying self-care only makes things worse.

Climbing Out of the Funnel

If you recognize yourself in the funnel, there is hope. The first step is acknowledging the need for change and committing to small, intentional actions that restore balance. Key strategies include:

1. Rest: Prioritize sleep and downtime to allow your body and mind to recover.
2. Exercise: Even light physical activity can boost energy levels and improve mood.
3. Play: Engage in activities that bring joy and creativity, like a hobby, time with friends, or something spontaneous.
4. Change Expectations: Let go of unrealistic standards about what you “should” accomplish. Be kinder to yourself. Set boundaries.
5. Practice Mindfulness: bring present moment awareness and calm into your day.

Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. By making small daily changes—whether it’s enjoying a nourishing meal, taking a walk, or simply pausing to rest—you can begin to climb out of the funnel.

Why Balance Matters

Cutting out nourishing activities might seem like an efficient way to handle stress, but it backfires in the long run. Without time to replenish, we become less productive, less creative, and less capable of handling our responsibilities.

Remind yourself that self-care is an investment in your overall well-being and effectiveness. Every act of care—no matter how small—can help you regain your energy, climb out of the exhaustion funnel, and create a more sustainable life.

By reclaiming balance, we not only improve our own lives but also become better equipped to meet our responsibilities and support those around us. Remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Can you think about a few things that instantly make you feel good? Perhaps it’s eating a specific food, listening to your favourite song, the laughter of a loved one or an act of kindness… Whenever we do something that feels good, our brain releases dopamine, which makes us more likely to repeat behaviours that induce pleasure or reward. Dopamine is often referred to as the ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitter and plays a role in regulating our mood and motivation.

You may have come across a recent social media trend with people sharing their ‘dopamine menu’. This is a personalized ‘menu’ of activities to choose from that can help boost our dopamine in a healthy and natural way. The idea behind a dopamine menu is that we can be proactive about our mental health in a sustainable way.

Dopamine plays a role in motivation and reward and is released when we achieve a goal. This acts as a signal of pleasure, which reinforces that behavior. It helps regulate physical movement and supports concentration, learning and decision-making.

Low levels of dopamine can pose challenges for us. For example:

• Low drive or motivation to accomplish tasks and goals
• Depressive symptoms such as fatigue and anhedonia (loss of enjoyment in things previously enjoyed)
• Addictive behaviours (to substances, gambling, porn, etc)
• Memory and cognitive issues

We often see the dark side of dopamine in modern day lives, where the need for instant gratification can lead to long term problems:

• Substances such as alcohol, nicotine and other drugs artificially stimulate dopamine pathways, while negatively affecting our physical and mental health.
• Social media scrolling, ‘likes’, ‘follows’ and positive engagement produces very short-lived dopamine spikes. While this may seem harmless, it can foster dependence on social media, which negatively affects other aspects of our lives – it takes away time from meaningful activities, reduces productivity, may impact on relationships and affect our self esteem.
• Compulsive shopping and gambling are examples of how the need for instant gratification and pleasure seeking can create financial issues.
• Emotional eating, where we reach out for food that feels comforting.

Such habits can deplete our natural dopamine reserves and hinder our pleasure from daily experiences. In order to maintain optimal levels of dopamine, we need to incorporate sustainable practices.

So, let’s create a personal dopamine menu. As we now know, the purpose of this dopamine menu is to have a variety of healthy dopamine-boosting activities that we can easily choose from. Just like it’s beneficial to have a balanced diet, we should strive for balance in creating a dopamine menu.

My advice would be to personalize your menu by including activities in three main categories – physical, emotional and social. Here are a few examples that you can choose from.

Physical

• Good bedtime routine
• Nutritious food
• Hydration
• Movement or exercise
• A dopamine boosting playlist
• Meditation
• Time in Nature
• Creativity
• Breathing exercises

Emotional

• Gratitude practices
• Positive self talk and affirmations
• Journaling about feelings and accomplishments
• Laughter
• Emotional expression through art, music or writing
• Reliving happy memories

Social

• Spending time with a loved one
• Engaging meaningfully
• An activity that promotes social connection
• Phone call with someone you enjoy speaking to
• Charity, volunteering or random acts of kindness
• Learning a new skill
• Bonding with pets

Use these items as inspiration to create a menu of a few activities that are realistic for you. Have this easily accessible. The key is to practice them consistently, because they will then be more effective when you do face inevitable challenges in life.

Be proactive with your mental health by creating your personal dopamine menu.

As we approach the end of the year, many individuals are already planning their resolutions and objectives for the upcoming New Year. Although the beginning of a new year presents an ideal opportunity for personal growth, it can also lead to disappointment. This is primarily due to the unrealistic expectations often associated with our resolutions, which can result in frustration and a sense of failure when these goals are not achieved.

The reality is that perfection is unattainable, and the pressure to undergo a complete transformation by January 1st can be overwhelming. Instead of concentrating on the notion of a “perfect transformation,” it is crucial to adopt a more compassionate mindset and adjust our perspective as we enter the New Year.

Research in psychology supports this approach. Studies have shown that self-compassion is linked to greater emotional resilience, better mental health, and improved well-being (Neff, 2003). When individuals practice self-compassion, they are more likely to acknowledge their mistakes without harsh self-criticism, leading to reduced anxiety and depression (Neff & Germer, 2013). Moreover, embracing imperfection can enhance motivation and perseverance. According to the “Growth Mindset” theory proposed by psychologist Carol Dweck, viewing challenges and failures as opportunities for growth fosters a more adaptive attitude towards personal development. This mindset encourages individuals to persist in the face of setbacks, ultimately resulting in greater long-term success.

This evidence underscores the importance of shifting our focus from perfection to progress. By adopting a mindset of grace and compassion, we can create a healthier and more sustainable approach to our New Year’s resolutions and personal growth.

The Problem with Perfection

Many people experience the anticipation of starting anew, aiming to improve and accomplish their goals. However, when they fall short, self-criticism often follows. These negative thoughts are common after not meeting personal expectations. Goals are set with the hope of becoming a better version of oneself, only to realize that human imperfections persist.

The pressure to succeed without accommodating setbacks or mistakes can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration, which may hinder progress and negatively impact mental health.

It is at this juncture that the importance of embracing imperfection becomes evident. Recognizing that perfection is an unrealistic standard allows individuals to shift their focus to progress and growth, rather than flawless execution.

This shift is crucial because it fosters a healthier mental state, reducing the stress associated with the fear of failure. Embracing imperfection means accepting that missteps are a natural part of any journey, and each setback provides valuable lessons and opportunities for improvement. By doing so, individuals can maintain a more balanced and compassionate approach to their personal development, ultimately leading to more sustainable and meaningful progress.

A New Approach: Grace and Compassion

The key to sustainable growth lies in understanding that imperfection is an inherent part of the process. By embracing imperfection, we liberate ourselves from unrealistic expectations of flawless performance. Rather than striving for an idealized version of ourselves, we should prioritize progress over perfection. This shift in perspective is essential for maintaining mental health and well-being, as it reduces stress and promotes a more balanced approach to personal development.

When we accept that mistakes and setbacks are natural, we create a space for learning and growth. This means recognizing that each challenge or obstacle is an opportunity to gain insight and develop resilience. By doing so, we foster a mindset that values ongoing improvement rather than immediate perfection.

Moreover, embracing imperfection encourages self-compassion. It allows us to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a friend facing similar challenges. This approach mitigates the negative impact of self-criticism and guilt, leading to a healthier and more productive path toward achieving our goals.

This approach promotes a practical method of setting and pursuing goals. It recognizes that humans are inherently imperfect and constantly changing, and it values the process of personal development over focusing solely on an end point. Accepting imperfection can improve mental well-being and support meaningful and sustainable growth.

How to Approach the New Year with Compassion

As we look ahead to 2025, here are a few ways to set realistic, compassionate goals for ourselves:

• Set Realistic Expectations: Rather than making sweeping resolutions, identify a few manageable goals you can work towards. These goals should be specific and achievable, helping you stay motivated without the stress of trying to “fix” everything at once.
• Accept Mistakes as Part of the Process: Understand that setbacks are not failures – they’re opportunities to learn and grow. Acknowledge that you will make mistakes along the way, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re human.
• Practice Self-Compassion: When you do fall short, remind yourself that it’s okay. Instead of harshly criticizing yourself, try saying, “I’m doing my best, and I’ll keep going.” Give yourself the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend in the same situation.
• Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small: Acknowledge all of the progress you’ve made – no matter how small it may seem. Celebrate your efforts and remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

Tips for Sticking to Your Resolutions

• Break Down Goals into Smaller Steps: Large goals can be overwhelming. Break them down into smaller, manageable tasks that you can tackle one at a time.
• Track Your Progress: Keep a journal or use an app to track your progress. Seeing your achievements, no matter how small, can be incredibly motivating.
• Stay Accountable: Share your goals with a friend or join a group with similar objectives. Having someone to check in with can help keep you on track.
• Be Flexible: Life is unpredictable. If you encounter obstacles, don’t be afraid to adjust your goals. Flexibility can help you stay committed without feeling discouraged.
• Reward Yourself: Celebrate your successes along the way. Treat yourself when you reach milestones to maintain motivation.
• Visualize Your Success: Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself achieving your goals. This can boost your confidence and keep you focused.
• Stay Positive: Maintain a positive attitude. Focus on what you’ve accomplished rather than what you haven’t. Positive thinking can make a big difference in your perseverance.

Moving Forward with Intention and Self-Respect

This year let’s stop measuring our success by the standards of perfection. The most meaningful changes come when we show up for ourselves – imperfections, mistakes, and all. By embracing who we are and allowing room for growth, we can set goals that align with who we want to be while also respecting where we are in the present moment.

As we approach the New Year, let’s do so with gratitude for everything we’ve overcome and appreciation for the lessons we’ve learned. Set your goals, but give yourself the space to be human, to mess up, and to try again. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of growth, success, and love.

Our mental health is as important as our physical health, and taking care of it should be a priority. It’s essential to recognize the signs of stress and take proactive steps to manage it. This may include practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals. By prioritizing mental health, we can better navigate the ups and downs of life and maintain a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.

Let’s commit to a New Year filled with self-compassion, realistic expectations, and a focus on overall well-being. Together, we can create a healthier and happier future for ourselves and those around us.

Mental health is a topic that is being spoken about more and more as of late because it is something that affects us all. Our mental health is affected by a huge variety of things and there is a lot we can do to improve it.

Nutrition being one of the things. But how does nutrition fit into all of it? You might think not much, but that could not be further from the truth.

What we do know is that gut health affects our mood what we eat can significantly affect our mood and overall mental well being.

Have you ever heard of the brain-gut axis? This is a connection between our gut and brain and they both affect one another. Unhappy mind = unhappy gut and vice versa. This means that we want to try to support both, to ensure that we are doing the most to be both healthier and happier people!

If our overall gut environment is not thriving, it will negatively affect our brain and mood and the same goes the other way around: If we find ourselves in a constantly heightened emotional state,  it is very likely to affect our gut and digestion in a negative way.

As we can see, one does not exist without the other. This means we want to take care of both our minds and gut, to ensure that we are giving ourselves the best chance at being our best selves.

But let’s look at some practical tips of what we can do, from a nutritional point of view, to help our gut environment thrive:

• Eat more High fiber foods which are great fuel for our gut bacteria such as wholegrains, nuts, seeds and legumes
• Eat more Colourful foods (think your fruit and vegetables)
• Eat more Fermented foods that contain probiotics ie healthy bacteria for our gut such as yoghurt, sauerkraut, kimchi
• Try to choose lean sources of protein
• Limit highly processed foods that contain a lot of additives and saturated fats and added sugar
• Limit alcohol and other sugary drinks

 A big part in putting the above into practice is being both intentional and prepared in how you approach your week and your eating.

Planning your weekly meals and actively trying to include the foods listed above is a big step in the right direction and will help you make positive changes. It will help you to know what to eat when, and you won’t be caught off guard at 18h00 after work, not knowing what to make for dinner, resulting in yet another fast food, take out run. And not only will you feel a lot better for it, preparing your own food and planning your weekly meals will help your budget too!

In summary, food and what we eat play an instrumental role in affecting our mood and mental state. We want to try and support our gut to be at its happiest, so that we too, can be at our happiest. However what we need to remember is that balance is key and it is what we do consistently that brings about the biggest changes in our lives.