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Impact of stress on our body and nervous system (and the actions we can take to regulate our nervous system)

Stress is something we all encounter in our day to day. Life is fast paced and rushing from one thing to the next, often under pressure, is something that has become the norm. But this norm can have detrimental effects on our health and we want to try to manage our stress better so that we can help our bodies be at their best

When we are stressed, our body turns on the ‘fight- or flight’ response ie our body is preparing us for a ‘fight’. Stress hormones increase, muscles start to tense up, blood pressure and heart rate increases and bodily functions that are not required for ‘fight’ are down regulated. – digestion for example!

While this response is useful in situations where we indeed need the above, it can have negative effects on our health and well being in the long run if we don’t learn to come out of it and to decompress and relax.

But how can we do this and help our bodies to ‘just chill’? Here are some tips!

1. Breathe!
   Deep belly breathing activates our ‘rest and digest’ nervous system. Try to do some breath work or give box breathing a try. Breathe in for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and repeat at least 5 times.
2. Mindfulness and Meditation
   Regular meditation practises and mindfulness work such as journaling has been found to positively affect overall stress levels
3. Movement
   Movement, regardless of what it looks like, increases endorphins aka happy hormones and down regulates the stress response. Try for 15minutes daily!
4. Time in nature
   Time outside has significant effects on our overall health and well being. Something as simple as going outside into the sun for a few minutes or walking on grass barefoot can put you into a more relaxed state.
5. Sleep/overall rest
   Sleep is crucial for overall health. We want to aim for about 6-8 hours per night.

Implementing some of these things can have a significant effect on overall stress levels. A little goes a long way and it’s all about making small, sustainable changes for our health!

Children have more than just physical and material needs. They have emotional needs too. Even if a child’s material needs (food, clothing, education, etc.) were met, it is still possible that they were emotionally neglected.

Childhood emotional neglect is when a child’s emotional needs are consistently not met. Some of these needs include feeling loved, feeling a sense of belonging and acceptance, emotional validation, nurturing, empathy, support, encouragement and emotional safety. Emotional neglect can be difficult to identify, because by its very nature, it has to do with what the child did not get – as opposed to what they did get.

Examples of Childhood Emotional Neglect:

• A child feels sad after being excluded by a friend group and the parent scolds them for crying.
• A child gets a B in a test, but the parent asks why they couldn’t get an A like their friend.
• A parent seeks emotional support in their child by sharing financial struggles or marital issues.
• A child speaks about something that excites them, but the parent is focused on their phone.
• A child shares disappointment about not being selecting for a sports team, and the parents criticize the child for not trying harder.

Children whose emotional needs are not met learn to suppress their emotions as they start to believe that their emotions do not matter. This belief starts to infiltrate into adulthood.

How Childhood Emotional Neglect Manifests in Adulthood

Adults whose emotional needs were not met in childhood often struggle with low self esteem and self doubt. They may become self-critical as a result of internalizing critical voices that they’ve heard in childhood. This can lead to perfectionism as a way to seek validation and impostor syndrome as they doubt their own abilities and worth.

Another significant consequence is poor emotion regulation. In fact, it is common for such adults to either feel disconnected from their emotions and struggle to identify what they are feeling. Because the express of emotions was unsafe, not modelled or encouraged in childhood, it can lead the child to disconnect from their emotions. They may compensate for this by overthinking.

Childhood emotional neglect can lead to challenges in adult relationships in a few different ways.
Some examples include:

• Hyper-independence as they’ve learned that they have to have their own backs
• Difficulty trusting others, because they fear disappointment
• People pleasing, as a means of getting validation
• Emotional unavailability as they may fear rejection
• Accepting less than the bare minimum if they feel that they don’t deserve more
• Emotional hypervigilance, where they read into micro expressions and body language (often incorrectly).
• Anxious attachment where they require excessive reassurance.

Some other manifestations of childhood emotional neglect in adulthood are self sabotage (due to fear of failure), indecision (due to fear of someone being disappointed in their choices or not having received guidance in decision-making as a child), low self esteem (due to being compared to others or not being validated) and becoming the ‘rescuer’ in relationships (as they learnt this role early on).

Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect

• Acknowledge the experiences that shaped you, while practicing self compassion.
• Reflect on feelings as a regular practice to develop greater emotional awareness
• Find safe spaces to express emotions, either by journaling or by speaking to others who are emotionally safe
• Reparenting is a useful practice, where as adults, we start to give to ourselves things that we wish we had as children. This includes validation, encouragement, compassion, patience and allowing ourselves to feel all our feelings without judgement.
• Notice your self talk and make a point of replacing any judgmental thoughts with self compassion.
• Be more intentional about the relationships that you choose.
• Be clear on your values and priorities and align your decision making accordingly.
• Notice where you can set healthier boundaries.
• Therapy is often useful to understand how our childhood has shaped us, and more importantly to learn the tools to break those cycles.

While the scars of emotional neglect may be invisible, there is a clear impact on our adult lives. With self awareness, reflection and intention, we are capable of healthier relationships and living emotionally rich lives.

I want to call your attention to the word “pilgrimage” in the title of this article. The definition of pilgrimage I would like to use is as follows: “A journey made to some sacred place, as an act of seeking spiritual growth, enlightenment and healing” ~ Oxford Dictionary.

The idea of a daily inner pilgrimage draws from the original meaning above. However, as you read further, I would like you to ponder this thought: ‘One of the most underrated heroes of the human experience is the gift of agency’. The gift of agency is that you can self-reinvent at any given moment in your life so that you are never boxed into being one thing for the rest of your life or confined to a problem for life.

This is the ideological base I wanted to start this article with. Now, what are some tools (both practical and mental) that we can use to design our lives to achieve optimal mental health?

1. Never lose hope: The first step in a transformation journey is hope and belief in the majesty of a new vision. To truly transform your life, you have to believe that something new, amazing and breath-taking will happen for you.

2. Your inner power: I know people often use the phrase ‘higher power’ but I am more drawn to the notion of an ‘inner power’. I start my day by dedicating 1 hour of intentional prayer and indulging in long stretches of silence, seeking to hear the innermost holy voice within me. You have to find what works for you, but I truly believe, that before you hear the noise and loudness of the voices outside you, establish your secure footing through the voice in you.

3. Listen to music: Listening to music heals the soul and revives joy for life. Bob Marley said it well when he uttered the words “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”.

4. Detox your body at least once a year: I do a juice detox for 7 days and thereafter for 2 weeks I eat only fruits and vegetables. You will be amazed at how superhuman you will feel after a proper inner detox.

5. Exercise: You don’t have to complicate this one. Not all of us are gym natives (including myself). You can start simply by getting a skipping rope, taking walks in your neighbourhood if it’s safe, going for an easy hike, etc. The goal is to kickstart the habit of just moving your body. Researchers have highlighted the proven benefits that exercise has in improving our mental health.

6. Empower yourself with knowledge: If you are going through a difficult period, it’s understandable how sometimes you don’t feel like being around people and talking. That’s why resources like the Medshield Mindare important because they play a part in providing knowledge & tools in your period of solitude.

7. Do things that unleash your inner child: This has got to be one of my favourite tools. I go to theme parks, eat ice cream from a cone, and play with my young nieces. These things help me get out of my mind and connect with my body & surroundings.

8. Practice being joyful: I believe that joy is a decision! Someone I admire referred to joy as “unconditional and unreasonable happiness”. Click this link to listen to more insights about joy:
https://www.youtube.com/live/EloWN1RDdLU?si=tNKNBEAtOWE3b9uz

I would love to end with this thought: Never let a difficult moment or season define your entire existence.

“But you’re so good at it!”

“I don’t want to do it wrong.”

“You’re so much better at it than I am.

These phrases capture the essence of ‘weaponised incompetence’. Weaponised incompetence refers to the expression of inability to perform a task – or performing a task poorly, to prevent having to do it in future. While this is mostly spoken about in the context of domestic relationships, it can also apply to the workplace and other relationships.

A classic example is when one partner assumes responsibility for cooking and wants the task to be shared. However, when the partner does take a turn, they leave the kitchen in such a huge mess, that the partner who asked for the load to be shared, now reassumes complete responsibility (to avoid the mess). This can lead to burnout and resentment.

A golden question is whether weaponised incompetence is intentional or not. There are certainly situations in which a person pretends to not be able to do something in order to avoid that task. However, there are cases in which this is unintentional, and may be a result of not being skilled at something or learned helplessness (made to believe that they’re not good at something). Another significant contributor (though not an excuse) is ADHD.

Because we are all raised differently, we are all conditioned differently. For example, those who were raised with stereotypical gender roles may grow into adults to whom it doesn’t even occur to participate in certain household tasks. I often see men whose mothers did everything for them, don’t even realise that they need to take on household responsibilities when they are married. It’s almost as if the chores they’ve never had to participate in are invisible to them. This is often what contributes to the ‘mental load’ carried by many women. On the other hand, a child who was expected to routinely perform certain chores (e.g. making up the bed) may prioritise this, while it may never occur to their partner to do.

Weaponised incompetence isn’t a gender based problem, though. And neither is it limited to domestic chores. One partner may be the one who has to make all plans and bookings, because it’s decided that they are better at it. However, this can lead them to feel unloved due to the lack of effort from their significant other.

Weaponised incompetence can have negative effects on a relationship. The most common of these is resentment in the person who over-functions to make up for the partner who under-functions. Burnout is another factor, especially when one partner carries a heavy load, leaving them with little to no time for selfcare. Weaponised incompetence can also lead to a breakdown in trust as the partner who carries the bigger load is likely to feel unsupported.

In order to move toward a more harmonious way of sharing the load, communication is key. Both parties need to express their needs clearly and directly in a respectful manner. Be clear on what your expectations of each other are. In healthy relationships, there is willingness to find amicable solutions and work as a team.
E.g. if one partner is diagnosed as having ADHD, then it is important to learn tools to manage this condition so it does not impact negatively on the marriage. What’s key is that it is not one partner’s responsibility to manage the process, as that then becomes a chore for them.

Ideally, there should be agreement on who is responsible for what, understanding that this may never feel ‘equal’. It should however feel fair, considering each person’s available time, capacity, skills and preferences. Prioritise working as a team.

A rule I live by is that if I am particular about how a certain task is performed, then I will perform it myself. This prevents the frustration of someone not doing it my way.

A Personal Reflection on My Journey with Burnout and Depression

Mental health is often underestimated until it becomes impossible to ignore. For a long time, I believed I was unbreakable—someone who could push through any challenge, having performed at an elite level on the sports field. But in the blink of an eye, everything changed, and I learned just how fragile my mental health really was.

A Day of Realisation

February 8th, 2024, is a day I’ll never forget. It was the day my world broke—both literally and metaphorically. I found myself at a breaking point, physically and emotionally exhausted, standing in the wreckage of my kitchen, feeling utterly overwhelmed. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had pushed myself too far for too long without realising the cost. It had taken months of ignoring the warning signs before I admitted that I needed help. The hard truth was, I couldn’t face this alone anymore.

That moment was a wake-up call. It was a pivotal point where I realised that reaching out for support wasn’t a sign of weakness, but an essential step toward healing.

On that same day, I took the first steps toward recovery. I reached out to my psychologist, who guided me toward understanding the depth of my burnout and depression. Following that, I visited my GP, and after a thorough discussion, I was admitted to Hillcrest Private Hospital under the care of a psychiatrist. It was a difficult decision to make, but it was the right one for myself and my family.

I am only at the beginning of my recovery journey but I had had some clear realisations and takeaways that I would like to share:

Key takeaways:

1. Mental health can affect anyone
   I once thought mental health challenges were something that only others experienced, or perhaps people who weren’t strong enough to handle pressure. But burnout and depression don’t discriminate. Even those who seem invincible on the outside can face significant mental health struggles.
2. Recognising the signs is crucial
   It took me a long time to recognise the subtle signs of burnout creeping in. Ignoring the feeling of constant exhaustion, the overwhelming anxiety, and the physical symptoms was a mistake I regret. The lesson here is that awareness and early intervention are key. Listening to your body and mind, and acknowledging when something is wrong, can make all the difference.
3. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness
   Asking for help is not a sign of failure; it’s a step toward recovery. I had to let go of the idea that I could do everything on my own. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional, reaching out for support is vital. There’s strength in vulnerability and acknowledging that we need help is an important step in regaining our well-being.
4. Taking care of your mental health is a long-term commitment
   Healing from burnout and depression isn’t a quick fix. It requires ongoing care, patience, and understanding. I’ve learned that mental health needs to be prioritised, just like physical health. Regular therapy, medication when necessary, and taking time to rest and recharge are all part of the process.

A New Perspective on Mental Health

Since that day, my life has changed in many ways. I’ve come to appreciate the importance of mental health awareness and the need for open conversations about it. No longer will I shy away from acknowledging my struggles, and I encourage others to do the same. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and it deserves the same level of attention and care.

If you’re reading this and find yourself in a similar position, please know that you are not alone. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling, and it’s okay to seek help. Your well-being matters and taking that first step toward recovery is something to be proud of.

‘Just look on the bright side!’

‘Good vibes only!’

‘Everything happens for a reason.’

Many of us have been on the receiving end of such comments. While positive thinking is beneficial to our physical and mental health, toxic positivity can be counterproductive and even harmful. Toxic positivity refers to the expectation that we should be positive at all times and in all situations. The problem with toxic positivity is that it invalidates and discounts the expression of authentic emotions. Toxic positivity is when we are expected to suppress negative emotions evoked by adverse experiences.

While such comments may be accompanied by good intentions, the failure to acknowledge someone’s pain can be invalidating. This invalidation can lead someone who is in pain to feel lonely, isolate themselves and suffer and silence. Further it can lead to one feeling ashamed of their emotions, which in turn negatively impacts on one’s mental health.

You can be a positive person and still experience negative emotions. Negative emotions are not bad – they are mostly appropriate reactions to negative situations.  Part of being human is to experience a full range of emotions. However, those who are uncomfortable with emotions are unable to hold space for the emotions of others.

Telling someone who is depressed to ‘think positive’ is like telling someone with a broken leg to walk – it is insensitive and unempathetic. When a person goes through negative life experiences, it is only natural to feel negative emotions. Suppressing these appropriate emotions can lead to emotional dysregulation, increased anxiety and even physical symptoms.

The other danger of toxic positivity is that it can negatively impact on relationships. When a person feels that they need to hide their true feelings as others expect them to be happy all of the time, there is inevitably emotional distance in that relationship. This breakdown of trust reduces the opportunity for authentic connection.

To better understand toxic positivity, let’s look at some common phrases and what to say instead:

Toxic Phrase: ‘Think positive’

Why it’s harmful: this phrase minimises pain and trauma, especially if the person has experienced something traumatic.

Alternative: ‘I can see this is really hard for you. I am here if you would like to talk about it.’

Toxic Phrase: ‘It could have been worse.’

Why it’s harmful: even if it is true, comparing someone’s pain to another invalidates their experience. Just because others may have it worse, it doesn’t mean that it’s not difficult.

Alternative: ‘It’s okay to feel sad about this.’

Toxic Phrase: ‘Everything happens for a reason’

Why it’s harmful: It’s not helpful for someone in the midst of grief or a victim of trauma to hear this. People need comfort in times of distress.

Alternative: ‘I don’t know why such awful things happen to good people, but I am here for you. Let me know how I can best support you right now.’

Many motivational speakers use the line that we all have 24 hours in a day, so we should all be able to achieve great things. The reality is that our 24 hours are not equal, as we all have different resources and different responsibilities. A person with a personal chef, PA and personal trainer can achieve more than a single mum who is juggling her career, parenting, aging parents, illness and financial stress. Toxic positivity fails to take into account realistic systemic inequalities.

While we should avoid toxic positivity, we should strive for healthy optimism. Healthy optimism acknowledges suffering, but also focuses on finding glimmers during dark times. It means validating both positive and negative emotions. Healthy optimism is rooted in reality, focuses on growing from adversity and promotes self compassion.

The best thing that you can do for someone in pain is to truly see them – not to make them feel better. Allow people to feel what they need to feel before moving on to problem-solving.

In our fast-paced world, achieving a balanced life often feels elusive. Yet, understanding and nurturing all facets of our existence is crucial for optimal wellness. Enter the Wellbeing Wheel—a transformative tool that offers a holistic approach to self-assessment and growth.

What Is the Wellbeing Wheel?

The Wellbeing Wheel, grounded in Systems Theory, encourages viewing life as an interconnected circle rather than a linear path. It divides life into eight essential categories: Physical, Medical, Environmental, Spiritual, Interpersonal, Financial, Occupational, and Intrapersonal.

By evaluating each segment, individuals can identify areas of strength and aspects needing attention, promoting a more integrated and fulfilling life.

The Eight Dimensions of Wellbeing

1. Physical Wellbeing: This encompasses habits related to substance use, nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Reflect on questions like:
   • Am I free from addictions?
   • Do I maintain a balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables?
   • Is regular physical activity part of my routine?
   • Do I prioritise sufficient, quality sleep?
2. Medical Wellbeing: Focuses on overall health, including sexual health, absence of chronic pain, and vital statistics such as blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Consider:
   • Are my reproductive organs healthy?
   • Do I experience frequent illnesses or allergies?
   • Are my blood pressure and cholesterol within healthy ranges?
3. Environmental Wellbeing: Relates to one’s surroundings and their impact on health. Reflect on:
   • Do I have access to natural spaces like parks or beaches?
   • Do I feel safe in my living and working environments?
   • Is my environment organised and free from clutter?
4. Spiritual Wellbeing: Involves a sense of purpose and connection to something greater. Ask yourself:
   • Do I have a set of beliefs or values that guide me?
   • Do I engage in practices that nurture my spirit, such as meditation or prayer?
   • Do I feel a sense of inner peace and fulfilment?
5. Interpersonal Wellbeing: Centers on relationships with others. Consider:
   • Do I have meaningful connections with family and friends?
   • Am I able to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts?
   • Do I feel a sense of belonging within my community?
6. Financial Wellbeing: Pertains to financial health and stability. Reflect on:
   • Do I have a budget and adhere to it?
   • Am I free from excessive debt?
   • Do I feel confident about my financial future?
7. Occupational Wellbeing: Relates to satisfaction and growth in one’s work. Ask yourself:
   • Do I find my work fulfilling and aligned with my values?
   • Do I have opportunities for professional development?
   • Is there a healthy work-life balance in my life?
8. Intrapersonal Wellbeing: Focuses on self-awareness and internal health. Consider:
   • Am I aware of my emotions and able to manage them?
   • Do I engage in self-reflection and personal growth activities?
   • Do I have a positive self-image and self-esteem?

Utilising the Wellbeing Wheel

To effectively use the Wellbeing Wheel:

• Self-Assessment: Honestly evaluate each category, rating your satisfaction and identifying areas needing improvement.
• Set Goals: For aspects requiring attention, establish specific, achievable goals.
• Action Plan: Develop a plan to address these goals, incorporating new habits or seeking support where necessary.
• Regular Review: Periodically reassess your wellbeing to track progress and make adjustments.

Benefits of the Wellbeing Wheel

Implementing the Wellbeing Wheel offers numerous advantages:

• Holistic Insight: Provides a comprehensive view of your life, highlighting interconnectedness between different areas.
• Balanced Living: Encourages attention to all life aspects, promoting overall health and happiness.
• Personal Empowerment: Empowers you to take control of your wellbeing, fostering self-awareness and proactive growth.

Conclusion

The Wellbeing Wheel serves as a valuable guide on the journey to a balanced and fulfilling life. By regularly assessing and nurturing each dimension, you can achieve optimal wellbeing. Embrace this holistic approach and take the first step towards a more integrated and vibrant life today.

For a practical tool to assist in this journey, download the Wellbeing Wheel Poster and accompanying instructions from Claire Newton’s website.

As we enter a new year, we must recognise that from time-to-time, everyone struggles with mental health issues. Just like, on occasion, everyone struggles with physical health issues.

No one judges you for seeing a doctor when you have the flu. So why would we judge each other for seeking help when we are down mentally? But whilst doctors are relatively easy to find (and we usually know when we need one), where do we even start to get help when we are down?

Mental health in South Africa

The 2023 Mental State of the World Report by Sapien Labs reveals that South Africa ranks among the bottom three countries for the Mental Health Quotient and out of 71 countries, has the highest percentage of people in distress. We need help – urgently.

Factors influencing our mental health

Financial stress, upbringing and socialisation, addiction, burnout, lack of positive role models, gender-based violence (GBV) and environmental influences such as poverty and pollution, all contribute to our state of wellness. With so many of us struggling with one or more of these issues, we need to get support before it becomes a crisis.

Breaking the stigma

But getting support poses a challenge, because stigma remains an issue. Will I be judged or labelled? Will people think I “can’t cope”? In many cultures, discussions about seeking help can be fraught with judgment.  A friend recently shared: “When you mention seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist to family, you instantly feel judged or that your issues are not ‘real’ compared to others’ struggles.”

Accessing mental health support

A further challenge to getting the help we need is that in South Africa, accessing mental health support is not always easy. A study by Docrat S. & Besada D., et al. in 2019 indicated that there is an average of only 0.31 psychiatrists per 100,000 people in the public sector, with a stark disparity between urban and rural areas. Furthermore, there is a critical shortage of child psychiatrists across the nine provinces.

Turning “mental health” into “mental help”?

So, what practical steps can we all take to access the help we need?

Become support savvy: If you or anyone you know are showing signs of crisis, there are numerous organisations and national helplines doing incredible work supporting South Africans. These include the SA Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), the Suicide Crisis Line, Lifeline, the National Gambling Hotline etc. These services are free of charge.

Normalise needing help: We need to normalise that getting support with our mental health is as normal as getting support for physical health challenges. We will do this by having open conversations about our mental health.

Where do we begin? From how we speak at the dinner table to how we respond when someone is not coping, everyone can start by listening with care and not jumping to judgement. Ask people questions like: “How is your mental and physical health at the moment?” rather than just: “How are you?”

Share your story: When you share your story of seeking support, it makes it easier for others to share their struggles. I have led numerous workshops where leaders share how they needed and looked for mental health support. The positive impact this has on others, is immense. Sharing personal stories about seeking help can play a vital role in breaking stigma.

Finally, there are only benefits from taking the plunge and getting help – no matter how hard it may be. A parent I recently spoke to, reported that she had initially delayed seeking support until reaching a crisis point: “It was difficult to start therapy and face challenges, but it provided me with perspective and helped me understand my behaviour patterns. Although I know my healing journey is long, I can now identify and change destructive behaviours, which has profoundly impacted my life and relationships.”

Let’s make 2025 a year of compassion for ourselves and others, and get the help we need to live full and happy lives.

As the year comes to a close, many people find themselves feeling drained. If this resonates with you, understanding the Exhaustion Funnel model might offer insight into how burnout develops and provide practical steps to restore balance in your life.

What Is the Exhaustion Funnel?

The Exhaustion Funnel, developed by Professor Marie Åsberg at the Karolinska Institute, shows what happens when we don’t have a balance between responsibilities and nourishing activities. The top of the funnel shows a healthy life where duties are balanced with activities that energise and replenish us. As stressors increase, we often sacrifice these “optional” activities to focus on what feels urgent.

Over time, the funnel narrows as we give up more of what sustains us. We might stop exercising, cooking healthy meals, or spending time with loved ones. This narrowing leads to a vicious cycle: without replenishment, our energy reserves become depleted, leaving us more exhausted and less equipped to handle stress, and spiralling down to the bottom of the funnel.

The Cost of Neglecting Self-Care

Self-care often feels indulgent or selfish, especially when we are overwhelmed with responsibilities. However, ignoring our need to recharge is like expecting our car to go without fuel—it’s unsustainable. We may fall into maladaptive coping habits like binge-watching series, scrolling on social media, skipping meals, or indulging in junk food or alcohol. These quick fixes might offer temporary relief but ultimately deplete our energy further.

If you are burnt out, you may experience symptoms such as:

• Increased irritability.
• A shrinking social life or feeling isolated.
• Avoidance of routine chores.
• Fatigue and loss of motivation.
• Changes in sleep and eating habits.
• Procrastination.

Why High Achievers Are Prone to Burnout

Those most at risk of burnout are often the most dedicated and conscientious individuals. Their commitment to work and others often overshadows their own needs, making it easy for them to fall into the funnel. The belief that self-care can wait until there’s more time is a trap—if stressors remain constant, delaying self-care only makes things worse.

Climbing Out of the Funnel

If you recognize yourself in the funnel, there is hope. The first step is acknowledging the need for change and committing to small, intentional actions that restore balance. Key strategies include:

1. Rest: Prioritize sleep and downtime to allow your body and mind to recover.
2. Exercise: Even light physical activity can boost energy levels and improve mood.
3. Play: Engage in activities that bring joy and creativity, like a hobby, time with friends, or something spontaneous.
4. Change Expectations: Let go of unrealistic standards about what you “should” accomplish. Be kinder to yourself. Set boundaries.
5. Practice Mindfulness: bring present moment awareness and calm into your day.

Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. By making small daily changes—whether it’s enjoying a nourishing meal, taking a walk, or simply pausing to rest—you can begin to climb out of the funnel.

Why Balance Matters

Cutting out nourishing activities might seem like an efficient way to handle stress, but it backfires in the long run. Without time to replenish, we become less productive, less creative, and less capable of handling our responsibilities.

Remind yourself that self-care is an investment in your overall well-being and effectiveness. Every act of care—no matter how small—can help you regain your energy, climb out of the exhaustion funnel, and create a more sustainable life.

By reclaiming balance, we not only improve our own lives but also become better equipped to meet our responsibilities and support those around us. Remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Can you think about a few things that instantly make you feel good? Perhaps it’s eating a specific food, listening to your favourite song, the laughter of a loved one or an act of kindness… Whenever we do something that feels good, our brain releases dopamine, which makes us more likely to repeat behaviours that induce pleasure or reward. Dopamine is often referred to as the ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitter and plays a role in regulating our mood and motivation.

You may have come across a recent social media trend with people sharing their ‘dopamine menu’. This is a personalized ‘menu’ of activities to choose from that can help boost our dopamine in a healthy and natural way. The idea behind a dopamine menu is that we can be proactive about our mental health in a sustainable way.

Dopamine plays a role in motivation and reward and is released when we achieve a goal. This acts as a signal of pleasure, which reinforces that behavior. It helps regulate physical movement and supports concentration, learning and decision-making.

Low levels of dopamine can pose challenges for us. For example:

• Low drive or motivation to accomplish tasks and goals
• Depressive symptoms such as fatigue and anhedonia (loss of enjoyment in things previously enjoyed)
• Addictive behaviours (to substances, gambling, porn, etc)
• Memory and cognitive issues

We often see the dark side of dopamine in modern day lives, where the need for instant gratification can lead to long term problems:

• Substances such as alcohol, nicotine and other drugs artificially stimulate dopamine pathways, while negatively affecting our physical and mental health.
• Social media scrolling, ‘likes’, ‘follows’ and positive engagement produces very short-lived dopamine spikes. While this may seem harmless, it can foster dependence on social media, which negatively affects other aspects of our lives – it takes away time from meaningful activities, reduces productivity, may impact on relationships and affect our self esteem.
• Compulsive shopping and gambling are examples of how the need for instant gratification and pleasure seeking can create financial issues.
• Emotional eating, where we reach out for food that feels comforting.

Such habits can deplete our natural dopamine reserves and hinder our pleasure from daily experiences. In order to maintain optimal levels of dopamine, we need to incorporate sustainable practices.

So, let’s create a personal dopamine menu. As we now know, the purpose of this dopamine menu is to have a variety of healthy dopamine-boosting activities that we can easily choose from. Just like it’s beneficial to have a balanced diet, we should strive for balance in creating a dopamine menu.

My advice would be to personalize your menu by including activities in three main categories – physical, emotional and social. Here are a few examples that you can choose from.

Physical

• Good bedtime routine
• Nutritious food
• Hydration
• Movement or exercise
• A dopamine boosting playlist
• Meditation
• Time in Nature
• Creativity
• Breathing exercises

Emotional

• Gratitude practices
• Positive self talk and affirmations
• Journaling about feelings and accomplishments
• Laughter
• Emotional expression through art, music or writing
• Reliving happy memories

Social

• Spending time with a loved one
• Engaging meaningfully
• An activity that promotes social connection
• Phone call with someone you enjoy speaking to
• Charity, volunteering or random acts of kindness
• Learning a new skill
• Bonding with pets

Use these items as inspiration to create a menu of a few activities that are realistic for you. Have this easily accessible. The key is to practice them consistently, because they will then be more effective when you do face inevitable challenges in life.

Be proactive with your mental health by creating your personal dopamine menu.