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While technology advancements have several benefits, there are also downsides. Perhaps one of the biggest disadvantages is the expectation to be ‘switched on’ and instantly available.

An instant message may pop up while you’re driving, having dinner with your family or are at the movies. Some people adopt the mindset that just because they can respond, then they should. But this availability comes at its own cost.

When our notifications are on at all times, our attention can remain psychologically connected to what’s on the other side. Rest is meant to be restorative, but when we’re switched on, even if we don’t look at our device or respond, thoughts about who messaged, whether the message is important or the consequences of not checking and responding instantly may consume us.

Being connected to others via technology is not the same as emotional connection. We can exchange several messages, without any of them being meaningful. We can be constantly updated on others’ lives, without realising that we may not be present in our own lives.

Often, being fully present with the person in your (physical) midst is psychologically more nourishing than responding immediately to someone who isn’t physically present.

Some people shape their identity according to their availability – e.g. being considered the ‘reliable friend’, the ‘hard-working employee’, the ‘helpful family member’, the one ‘who always answers’….

Over time, responding immediately can feel less like a choice and more like an obligation. If you’ve been this person, setting healthier boundaries can trigger guilt – e.g. thoughts of ‘what if they think I’m rude?’, ‘What if it’s a crisis?’, ‘what if I miss something important while I’m offline?’.

For some, the difficulty isn’t so much disconnecting, but rather, the inability to tolerate the discomfort of not being immediately available. So healthy boundaries are not just about being unreachable, but they’re also about creating reasonable expectations around when and via what channels you are available.

I often encourage patients to switch off non-essential notifications, remove their work email from their phones (if it’s unlikely to create further complications), establishing available hours for work-related communication, keeping phones outside the bedroom, having device-free times and zones at home.

A mantra I often repeat to prevent unnecessary stress is ‘others’ lack of planning is not my crisis to manage’. Each of us gets to decide what the limits of our availability are. If you decide to switch off from work at a certain time, then close your emails/Teams messages until the next day. Or at the end of your workday, jot down a list of what still needs to be attended to and when you plan to do it. This closes open loops in your brain as you have a plan and you cannot forget, as you have a written list.

For someone who is constantly available, trying to set boundaries with devises can create restlessness, anxiety or guilt. We need to work through these emotions in developing rules for our availability. Remember that it’s not technology that’s harmful; it’s our lack or healthy boundaries that can contribute to burnout, stress and emotional disconnection from those closest to us.

So the goal shouldn’t be to disconnect from everyone and everything, but rather to recognise the cost of everyone having uninterrupted access to you. The goal is to adjust your availability without feeling guilty.

We’re often advised to ‘check in on the strong friend, too’. There’s a good reason for this- people who are struggling don’t always look like they’re struggling.

There is a tendency to judge one’s mental health by how functional they are. However, one can be depressed while still carrying out family responsibilities, going to work, attending social obligations and even making others laugh. Functioning does not equate to feeling well.

Beneath the surface, the same person may be constantly exhausted, experience consistent low moods, feel hopeless, cry in private and feel no joy in anything.

A person with high-functioning depression may:

• Get dressed and show up to work despite feeling depleted
• Meet their professional and family responsibilities as normal, except it feels much harder and takes a lot more effort than is evident.
• Show up for everyone else but fail to take care of themselves.
• Appear cheerful socially, while feeling disconnected on the inside.
• Lose interest in things they previously enjoyed, and may on occasion, still participate out of obligation to others.
• Experience chronic fatigue, struggle with concentration and with decision-making.
• Feel more irritable than usual.
• Sometimes withdraw.
• Feel guilty for struggling because they ‘have no reason to be depressed’.
• Have difficulty relaxing, because being busy helps them avoid dealing with the emotions.

The way depression presents differs for everyone. Psychologists do not consider how functional someone is in order to diagnose a depressive disorder. What we do consider are the symptoms, the duration of the symptoms, the severity, the distressed experienced and the impact on different areas of their lives.

It can be difficult to spot high-functioning depression in a loved one, but here are some signs you can look out for:

• If they are noticeably more tired without obvious reasons
• If they appear emotionally absent while being physically present
• If they appear to be unusually pessimistic or irritable compared to their usual temperament.
• If they begin to withdraw
• If they brush off concern with ‘I’m just tired’ or ‘I’ve just been busy’, when you suspect there is more to it.

A single sign is not an indication that someone is depressed, but persistent changes in mood, behaviour, sleep patterns, appetite and joy for life should be given more attention. This is especially if this continues for weeks and is impacting on some aspect of their life.

A simple check-in can make a world of difference. We sometimes hesitate when we don’t have the right words or if we’re uncomfortable with emotions ourselves. Just reach out authentically – e.g. ‘I’ve noticed that you’ve been a lot quieter recently and I wanted to check in and see how you are actually doing?’

You don’t need to have the answers, offer solutions or try to cheer them up. You just need to listen. Create a safe enough space so they feel comfortable to share authentically. If you don’t know how to help, you can assist with facilitating professional support.

If you are that strong friend, remember that you do not have to carry it alone. Don’t wait until you are falling apart before reaching out for help.

There has been a surge of women are presenting to therapy during perimenopause. Because there had been no prior warning, many women find themselves overwhelmed, with not just the physical symptoms, but also the psychological impact.  One of the most common complaints I hear from women in perimenopause is ‘I just don’t feel like myself anymore’.

While not all mental health symptoms during this stage can be attributed to perimenopause, hormonal fluctuations certainly do interact with other brain functions that may impact on mood, sleep, emotional regulation and cognition.

The most common symptoms that bring perimenopausal women to therapy include:

1. Anxiety

Some women experience anxiety for the first time during perimenopause, while those with a history of anxiety often report worsening symptoms. Anxiety often presents as excessive worrying, palpitations, racing thoughts, feeling easily overwhelmed, feelings of dread and feeling ‘tired but wired’.

While not all anxiety symptoms during this time can be attributed to be perimenopause, it is worth exploring further, especially if it starts to hinder some aspects of your life.

2. ‘Brain Fog’

While ‘brain fog’ is not an official medical diagnosis, the term is often used to describe cognitive symptoms that affect one’s mental clarity. Brain fog in perimenopause presents as forgetfulness, losing one’s train of thought, slower mental processing, decision fatigue, reduced capacity, increased distractibility and feeling overwhelmed by small demands. This can lead to self-doubt, anxiety about performance, embarrassment, reduced confidence, frustration and irritability.

Our best armour against brain fog is good quality sleep, reducing overstimulation, movement/exercise, mindfulness, using lists, notes and planners, single-tasking, reducing screen time, creating helpful routines and adapting one’s pace. Professional help may be indicated if the symptoms impact on one’s daily functioning, if it gets progressively worse and if it begins to negatively impact on work, mood and relationships.

3. Sleep difficulties

Perhaps one of the most common complaints of women in perimenopause is disrupted sleep. The main culprits during perimenopause tend to be hot flushes, night sweats, anxiety and racing thoughts. The sad reality is that poor sleep quality can worsen the other symptoms, such as mood, brain fog, productivity and emotional regulation.

Practice good sleep hygiene by sleeping and waking at consistent times, reducing nighttime screen time, addressing your anxieties during the day, meditation, some physical activity during the day, ensuring that your bedroom is comfortable (e.g. temperature, linen, lighting and noise levels) and not or exercising close to bedtime. Chat to your doctor about supplements that may benefit you.

4. Sensory Overload

Many women find themselves more overstimulated during perimenopause. This includes decreased tolerance for noise, crowds, bright lights, certain textures and smells. Another common complaint is misophonia (increased sensitivity and irritability to chewing).

Be patient with yourself. Build quiet moments in your day, avoid stacking stimulating activities close together, have a plan to exit overstimulating environments and include relaxing rituals into your day.

5. Mood dysregulation

Women in perimenopause admit feeling varied emotions that are unusual for them and that they don’t quite understand. These include getting tearful easily, feeling increasingly irritable, more emotionally reactive, decreased patience and a lower window of tolerance.

A history of depression may make this more likely, however, it is not unusual for such symptoms to present for the first time during perimenopause

It’s important to note that perimenopause may coincide with other psychosocial life events – empty nest syndrome, marital issues, aging parents, declining health, etc – and these life events may actually explain or contribute to any mental health challenges experienced during this time.

Many people experience anxiety, depression, sleep difficulties, brain fog and sensory overload during their lifetimes, and this is not necessarily clinical or hormonal. What matters is how persistent these symptoms are and how they impact on one’s daily functioning in important aspects of their lives – e.g. work, health and relationships.

Perimenopause requires a holistic understanding and approach. It is most helpful to see a gynaecologist who has a special interest in hormonal changes, get advice on the most effective exercise and nutrition and if needed, see a psychologist who can assist in working through the challenges of this turbulent transition and equip you with the appropriate coping skills.

In moments of conflict, our bodies immediately move toward survival and safety.

When our brains detect a threat, our nervous system automatically prepares us to fight, flee, or freeze. This is a normal and healthy survival response. The challenge is that as our threat response activates, we lose access to some of our higher-level thinking skills. We become less reflective and more reactive.

When a child is overwhelmed by frustration, disappointment, anger, fear, or shame, their nervous system sounds the alarm. “This feels hard. I don’t know what to do with these big feelings.”

In these moments, children naturally turn toward their caregivers. They communicate their distress in whatever way they can. Sometimes this looks like tears, yelling, arguing, aggression, or shutting down completely. Beneath the behaviour is a child signalling, “I’m struggling and I need help.”

How we respond matters. Parents who can remain steady during the storm, offering connection and support, teach their children how to move through difficult moments safely. Our responses become part of the blueprint children use to understand stress, emotions, and relationships.

This is why safety must come before teaching, consequences, problem-solving, or behaviour correction.

If children cannot access their thinking brain while they feel threatened, it makes sense that teaching and reasoning are unlikely to be effective.

Safety has to come first.

So how do we help a child feel safe?

A child’s nervous system feels safe when there is an absence of threat and a presence of connection. Safety grows when children feel understood, supported, accepted, and loved, even when they have made mistakes. In fact, those moments are often when they need it most.

Think about what you need when you are emotionally overwhelmed.

You probably don’t want someone to immediately tell you why you’re wrong, what you should do differently, or why your feelings don’t make sense.

You want someone to listen.

You want someone to understand.

You want someone to sit with your struggle without rushing to fix it.

Children are no different.

When a child is devastated because they can’t have the sweet at the checkout counter, or furious because screen time has ended, the intensity of their reaction can seem out of proportion to the situation. As adults, we can see the bigger picture.

They can’t.

For them, these experiences feel genuinely overwhelming.

These everyday challenges become the practice ground where children learn how to respond to stress, navigate difficult emotions, and make sense of themselves.

Often, parents expect children to access skills that simply aren’t available to them in that moment.

“You should know better.”

“What were you thinking?”

These reactions may communicate disappointment, but they don’t teach a child what to do when they are overwhelmed. A child may be capable of cooperative, thoughtful behaviour on most days, but when their nervous system is flooded, those skills temporarily go offline.

The behaviours may be difficult to live with, but children learn to be better by seeing better.

The experiences children have during these moments matter. Over time, they become the blueprints for how children come to view themselves, their emotions, their relationships, and the world around them.

When children repeatedly experience safety, understanding, and support during moments of distress, they gradually learn that difficult feelings can be tolerated, understood, and managed. They learn that they are loved and accepted, even when they make mistakes. They learn that families support one another through hard moments.

And those lessons stay with them long after the meltdown is over.

Every parent knows the moment.

The grocery store checkout. The sweet they can’t have. Your perfectly logical explanation: We have snacks in the car. Dinner is soon.

And then… total meltdown.

The crying escalates. People start looking. Your stress levels rise. You find yourself wondering, Why is this happening?

Because your child isn’t being difficult.

They’re communicating the only way they know how.

Behaviour Is Communication

When children act out through yelling, kicking, screaming, throwing things, or collapsing onto the floor, parents instinctively ask why.

Why are you doing this?

What were you thinking?

You know better than that.

But here’s the thing: often, they don’t.

Not because they’re bad kids. Because they’re kids.

Children are not born knowing how to manage frustration, disappointment, anger, or overwhelm. Those are skills that develop gradually over time.

When a child shrugs, stares blankly, or says, “I don’t know,” it’s often a genuine answer. In moments of emotional flooding, they truly don’t know what is happening inside them.

The behaviour is the answer.

It’s your child saying, I’m overwhelmed. This is what it feels like. Show me what to do.

Behind most challenging behaviour is either an unmet need or an undeveloped skill. Understanding which one you’re dealing with can completely change how you respond.

What’s Actually Happening in Their Body

Think about the last time you felt anxious, overwhelmed, or emotionally activated.

The pit in your stomach.

The racing heart.

The lump in your throat.

Your child experiences those sensations too, but they have far less understanding of what is happening and far fewer tools to manage it.

In that grocery store moment, the denied sweet isn’t a minor inconvenience. To your child’s nervous system, it feels like a significant problem. Their brain sounds the alarm, stress hormones surge, and their body shifts into survival mode.

Fight, flight, or freeze takes over.

Without the words to explain what they’re experiencing, those feelings have to go somewhere.

And they come out as behaviour.

They’re not manipulating you.

They’re struggling with emotions that feel bigger than they can handle.

The Skill They’re Still Building

Emotional regulation is a skill, not a personality trait.

A major part of that skill is learning to recognise and name emotions.

Children are not born with an emotional vocabulary. They develop it slowly through thousands of interactions with the adults around them.

As babies, crying worked. Needs were met.

As children grow, those same strategies become less effective. But unless they are actively taught new ways to communicate, they’ll continue using the tools they already have.

This is why the phrase, “If they could do better, they would do better,” is so important.

A child in the middle of a meltdown is not choosing chaos over calm. They are using every skill available to them in that moment.

Even when a child says, “I hate you” or “You’re so mean,” that can actually represent progress. The words may be uncomfortable to hear, but they are still an attempt to communicate feelings through language rather than behaviour.

What You Can Do

Every meltdown is a window, not a wall.

These difficult moments are opportunities to help children build the skills they are missing.

Instead of focusing only on stopping the behaviour, try to understand the feeling underneath it.

“You’re really disappointed right now.”

“You were hoping for a different outcome.”

“That feels really hard.”

When children repeatedly hear their experiences reflected back to them, they gradually begin building the language to describe those feelings themselves.

That process starts with us.

When we model calm, talk openly about our own emotions, and respond with curiosity instead of criticism, children are constantly learning from us.

Over time, they develop the ability to say, “I’m frustrated” instead of throwing themselves onto the floor.

The messy moments are hard. But they are also the moments that matter most.

Each one handled with connection, patience, and understanding is an investment in your child’s emotional development.

And over time, those small investments help grow a resilient, self-aware, emotionally capable human being.

There is no going Back to ‘Normal’

The end of cancer treatment is often commemorated with the ringing of a bell. This is meant to signify the end of a difficult chapter and life is expected to go back to ‘normal’. However, this is not the reality for many cancer survivors.

The Psychological Aftermath

As a psychologist, who is also a cancer survivor, I’ve come to learn that the emotional impact of cancer often persists long after the physical treatment has ended. In many cases, cancer is both a medical and an emotional crisis. It’s not unusual for a newly diagnosed patient to enter survival mode and perhaps remain in this state throughout the treatment. Life starts to centre around appointments, scans, blood tests, hospital, treatment decisions, side-effects and logistical challenges. The focus is on getting through it. It’s mostly when treatment ends that a survivor has the space to process everything that has happened. Because a cancer diagnosis can shake one’s sense of control and predictability, anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress are common.

One of the greatest anxieties experienced by cancer survivors is the fear of recurrence. Any pain, bodily change or upcoming scan can trigger intense anxiety. Some become increasingly hypervigilant by continuously scanning for treats, which can be exhausting. The term ‘scanxiety’ was coined to describe the anxiety that arises in the lead up to medical tests, scans or follow-up appointments.

Grief amidst the Gratitude

Surviving does not mean living. There is often support present when one is undergoing active treatment, but there is little recognition for the emotional distress that accompanies remission. Cancer survivors often experience deep grief over ‘living losses’. One may be deeply grateful for having survived, yet still grieve things such as changes in the body, loss of fertility, lost opportunities, career setbacks, altered relationships and loss of hope for the future.

Disconnection

Many survivors also feel disconnected from others. While others may assume that a survivor’s life is back to normal, the reality is often that their lives are permanently changed. Priorities and perspectives undoubtedly shift during such a life-changing experience. Survivors begin to think differently about what is important, about their relationships, careers and what they invest their time and energy in. This can create disconnection from loved ones, as priorities and interests may no longer be aligned.

The Path to Emotional Healing

• Acknowledge and feel your feelings. While there is often pressure to think positive, it is appropriate to experience difficult emotions during a life-changing experience. Emotional suppression can increase distress.
• Practice self compassion. Cancer may force one to improve patience. Give yourself grace and do the best you can, given your capacity.
• Social support can improve emotional wellbeing, but this requires knowing what kind of support if helpful for you and who to seek it from.
• Focus on what you can control. While there is a lot not in control, focusing on what one can control can bring peace and calm.
• Seek professional support if necessary.

Supporting a Loved One who is a Survivor

• Instead of offering positive words that may not land, rather hold space for them to feel and share authentically.
• Listen to understand, instead of sharing unsolicited advice or platitudes.
• Show empathic curiosity so you can understand how their life has changed and discuss different ways to socialise that may support where they are emotionally.

Millions of people worldwide are using AI chatbots as their psychologists. While AI has made knowledge and resources more easily accessible, they need to be used with caution where mental health is concerned.

Pros of using AI for Therapy:

• While you may need to wait for an appointment with a psychologist (or much longer in the public sector), AI is constantly available and accessible.
• The cost of therapy can be a barrier for many, so using AI makes it a very accessible option.
• Even though this is slowly improving, the stigma attached to mental illness and seeking therapy still exists. This can also explain why many prefer the anonymity of opening up to a bot instead of an actual psychologist.

Using AI as a therapist is not without its risks:

• AI cannot make a diagnosis. A diagnosis is a helpful guide in informing evidence-based treatment.
• AI misses non-verbal cues that are crucial in assessment and therapy. This includes body language, eye contact, tone of voice and silence.
• AI is not equipped to assess risk, nor do they have protocols for those who may be suicidal or severely distressed. There have been multiple law suits, where AI chatbots were believed to contribute to mental health crises and suicides of young people.
• AI chatbots can contribute to delusions and isolation amongst adults.
• AI is designed to keep you coming back, and therefore is agreeable and validating. This means that you will not be called out or challenged when your behaviour may be keeping your stuck in dysfunctional patterns.
• While psychologists are bound by ethics, the information that you share with AI is not confidential. 

How to use AI safely:

• Journal prompts
• Mood tracking
• Habit tracking
• Grounding exercises
• Sleep hygiene
• Mindfulness exercises
• Psychoeducation
• Use between therapy sessions with your psychologist’s guidance

See a psychologist/psychiatrist for:

• Assessment and diagnosis
• Processing trauma
• Crisis management
• Complex relationship issues

It is well known that connection is essential to mental wellbeing. Strong social bonds serve as a protection factor and are linked to lower rates of mental illness. Because AI is designed to keep us engaged, dependence on AI can isolate one from social support systems. This over-reliance can stunt interpersonal skills.

Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all approach to mental health. Psychologists consider several facets of one’s life before tailoring treatment to their unique needs. AI, on the other hand gives generalised advice and does not ask the deep-rooted questions that a human may ask.

AI is however here to stay. By understanding the advantages and shortcomings, we can use AI with caution to maximise our mental health knowledge and wellbeing – but just not in isolation.

Perfectionism is defined as – the need to be or appear perfect, or to achieve perfection. It’s not the same as striving to do your best, nor is it about healthy achievement and growth.

For many South Africans, juggling work, financial stress, family responsibilities and expectations (self-imposed and from others), adding perfectionism into the mix can lead to increased anxiety, self-doubt and exhaustion. Research has linked perfectionism to mental health problems.

Some of the common signs of perfectionism:

• Procrastinating because you fear not doing something perfectly
• Not finishing tasks and/ or spending too much time on simple tasks
• Being overly critical of yourself (or others/ situations)
• Feeling like nothing you do is ever good enough
• Comparing yourself constantly to others
• Being frequently disappointed that things don’t go as planned

A perfectionist doesn’t believe that what they do is worthwhile unless it is perfect – instead of being proud of their progress, or acknowledging how hard they’ve worked, or how much they’ve learnt through the process, they are likely to compare themselves constantly with others or to obsess about achieving a flawless result or constantly doing better, and improving themselves, others, or their environment.

Having high standards, persevering in the face of difficulties, being conscientious, organised, and goal driven, doesn’t make you a perfectionist. You may just be someone who strives to do your best, and who likes to meet expectations, but you don’t get upset if you can’t always meet your goals, and you are not defined by them.

Perfectionists don’t allow any room for being human, errors are unforgiveable, and they will beat themselves up for the tiniest mistake or flaw or lack, which can rob them of any joy or satisfaction from the things that they do well.

Perfectionists are often afraid that if they stop aiming for perfection, they will become lazy, not achieve anything, and end up destitute; or that it somehow makes them “bad” people.

Causes of perfectionism are complex but include fear of other’s disapproval or judgement; shame and feelings of insecurity, inadequacy or unworthiness; and having parents’ (or other authority figures’) who were perfectionists themselves or had overly high expectations. The media also bombards us with carefully engineered images of success, beauty and perfection that amplify feelings of being inadequate, especially for perfectionists.

Here are some helpful ways to manage perfectionism:

1. Set realistic expectations for yourself and others
2. Celebrate your progress – every small step counts even if it’s not perfect
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others
4. Challenge your inner critic when it becomes harsh or unrealistic
5. Acknowledge that our imperfections are part of what make us human
6. Allow yourself to do some things imperfectly – focus on the learning and growth rather than flawless outcomes
7. Reach out for support if perfectionism is affecting your life negatively – get a coach, a therapist, or chat to a trusted friend or family member
8. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness

Self-Compassion researcher Dr Kristin Neff encourages us to treat ourselves with the same kindness we would give to a friend, and to recognise our common humanity, the fact that there are others who experience the same struggles and challenges that we do.

Ultimately, perfectionism can steal our joy, creativity and peace of mind. Mental wellbeing comes from allowing ourselves to be fully human – imperfect, learning and growing, and enough – just as we are!

How do we find Inner Peace whatever the external circumstances?

A common phrase that we hear from participants in our programs, and from clients that we work with in the coaching space is, “I want to feel happy, peaceful, and content”. Many people feel that if external circumstances were different, they would be able to access the peace and contentment they are striving for.

In Mindfulness, we gently shift our focus from being caught up in what is happening around us to becoming aware of our internal experience (thoughts, emotions and sensations) and explore ways to be with “what is” with balance, calm and wisdom.

Be the Change

Mahatma Gandhi said that “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.”

He is advising us to be the change we wish to see in the world. In a world that is increasingly overwhelming, uncertain and stressful, it can be challenging to find peace and contentment. Mindfulness is one way to change our inner world to feel greater contentment and peace, whatever is happening around us.

Notice pleasant/ unpleasant and neutral experiences

One of the skills that we build in Mindfulness practices is the capacity to be with whatever is happening, whether it is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. The experience of “pleasant” is different for everybody. I may find the experience of eating olives pleasant, and someone else may find it unpleasant. Also, what initially appears to be a pleasant experience, can have unpleasant consequences – for example, driving too fast can result in an accident, although the initial experience may be one of exhilaration; eating an entire chocolate cake may result in feeling ill although at the time it may feel like a sensory delight.

Similarly, what we initially label as “unpleasant” can result in positive consequences. Waking up at 5am to exercise may be unpleasant, but the result of improved health and energy is pleasant.

Experiences that are neither pleasant nor unpleasant – the neutral – are perceived by many people as “boring”, especially in a world where what feels “normal” is usually an extreme of pleasant or unpleasant, so when life is neutral, it can seem flat, boring or feel like something is wrong – when in fact, neutrality is often where steadiness and ease can be found.

By observing your responses to situations, and becoming more aware of your thoughts, emotions and body sensations, and whether you are labelling an experience as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral, you can begin to change how you respond, and in turn learn to find contentment with things as they are.

Try this Shift

Here is an exercise to try when you notice you are being swept up in the negativity of what is happening around you and wishing for things to be different

1. Pause
2. Bring your attention to your thoughts (simply notice without judgement)
3. Take a deep breath
4. Gently ask: “What is within my control right now?” and choose one small thing that you can change inyourself – your thoughts, feelings, or an action you can take.

Stress is inevitable and when faced with an overwhelming situation, it helps to pause and regulate. Here are 10 psychologist approved practical ways to regulate:

1. Literally ground yourself. Find a quiet, comfortable spot on the floor, lie down and allow the heaviness of your weight to sink into the ground. This sense of being anchored reduces overwhelm and prevents rumination. When we are stress, our posture is often affected. Lying on the ground prevents this. You can just close your eyes and focus on your breathing for as long as you need to.
2. Rock gently from side to side or back and forth to self soothe. The rhythmic motion helps calm the nervous system and reduces cortisol levels. This is very helpful for anxiety and panic attacks.
3. Give yourself butterfly hugs by interlocking your thumbs and placing your palms across your chest. Then tap one side at a time like a butterfly motion. This alternate tapping uses bilateral stimulation to calm the amygdala (fear centre of the brain). Because the alternate tapping engages both sides of the brain, you will feel balanced and grounded.
4. Choose a colour and then look for and name ten things around you in that colour. You could even do a colour walk where you take a mindful walk, looking out for objects in your chosen colour. This helps your focus on the present, thus interrupting intrusive or unhelpful thoughts that are fuelling your anxiety.
5. Humming creates vibrations that stimulate your vagus nerve. This moves your body out of fight or flight response to a rest-repair state, thus reducing cortisol.
6. Hold an ice cube in each hand. When you are particularly overwhelmed, the temperature of the ice cube will keep your mind in the present moment, thus preventing irrational thoughts or catastrophising.
7. Pause and notice the sky. Noticing the vastness of the sky (or the sea) can help us gain perspective and make our problems seem less overwhelming. The changing nature of the sky (e.g. moving clouds) can symbolise our ever-changing emotions, which come and go – they do not remain forever.
8. Shake it off. Literally shake parts of your body to release tension and get rid of excess adrenaline. This calms our flight-fight response as it signals that the danger has passed, while releasing endorphins at the same time.
9. Do a brain dump by just writing down every thought and worry that enters your mind. This helps clear mental clutter and interrupts rumination. Find a quiet space, decide on a time limit and then write whatever comes to mind without judgement. It doesn’t matter how jumbled and chaotic it appears. You can then organise these thoughts into some order of priority and decide what you can let go off. Seeing things on paper can make them feel a lor more manageable than when it’s taking space in your head.
10. And my person favourite – blowing bubbles. This not only makes you feel like a child again, but it forces you to slow down your breathing, which in turn activates the parasympathetic nervous system. You can also pair this with diaphragmatic breathing, where you inhale slowly and then exhale to blow a big, controlled bubble. Blowing bubbles helps you remain mindful.

You don’t have to practice all of these, but choose what works for you and add it to your stress toolkit.