Movember is reminder to talk about men’s mental health. The reality that we hope to change is the fact that men are less likely to seek help for mental health and are more likely to die by suicide. While more men are starting to seek help, there are still many who refuse to because they feel that it’s ‘unmanly’.
Mental Illness in Men
Men and women often present with the same mental illness in different ways. For example, while depression may present as sadness and tearfulness in women, it may manifest as anger or irritability in men. Because men are less likely to identify and speak about their emotions, these may be expressed in harmful ways, such as reckless driving, substance use, excessive gaming and domestic violence – a clear consequence of poor emotional regulation. It is not unusual for men to use substances such as alcohol and other drugs as a means of numbing emotional pain or as an escape from their stressors. This can sometimes lead to addiction, which negatively impacts other areas of life such as finance, relationships, work and health.
The suicide rate for men is higher than for women globally. This is a reflection of poor mental health, the stigma surrounding mental illness (which is higher for men) and societal expectations for men to be ‘strong’.
Social Conditioning
Being raised with stereotypes such as ‘boys don’t cry’, can lead men to suffer in silence and not seek help, as they believe that being vulnerable is a weakness. Men who grew up in homes where they’ve never witnessed their fathers speak about or show emotions – or who were punished or mocked for showing emotions – learn early on in life that it’s not okay to cry.
So, it’s not uncommon for men to struggle with identifying, understanding and regulating their emotions. In my own professional experience, men struggle more than women to name negative emotions. The most common negative emotion that men identify is anger. Yet, anger is mostly a surface level emotion, which masks the vulnerable emotions, such as hurt, sadness, disappointment, betrayal, grief, etc. Anger is an emotion that seems more socially acceptable to men, as anger isn’t regarded as weak. The reality is that suppressed emotions can create other problems in our lives.
Eliminating the Stigma
Eliminating the stigma begins with parenting and being mindful of gender stereotypes in our own homes. Boys and girls should have the same opportunities. Both should be taught to talk about feelings. Children need adult role models who demonstrate that all feelings are acceptable and a normal part of human experience.
How to support the men in your life
- Create safe spaces for men to share their struggles, without feeling that they are weak.
- Be empathic to men in your life, realizing that men are human too.
- Be mindful of the expectations that you have of men.
- Share the load where possible
- Have open conversations about how you can be more supportive.
Tips for men:
- Get curious about your emotions in different situations
- Build supportive relationships where you can be vulnerable
- Make use of healthier stress reduction – e.g. physical activity or meditation
- Seek professional help when necessary
- Recognise that it is only human to struggle with emotions.
- Read up on or listen to podcasts on mental health and emotional wellbeing
The goal is to replace toxic masculinity with emotional intelligence.