There is no going Back to ‘Normal’
The end of cancer treatment is often commemorated with the ringing of a bell. This is meant to signify the end of a difficult chapter and life is expected to go back to ‘normal’. However, this is not the reality for many cancer survivors.
The Psychological Aftermath
As a psychologist, who is also a cancer survivor, I’ve come to learn that the emotional impact of cancer often persists long after the physical treatment has ended. In many cases, cancer is both a medical and an emotional crisis. It’s not unusual for a newly diagnosed patient to enter survival mode and perhaps remain in this state throughout the treatment. Life starts to centre around appointments, scans, blood tests, hospital, treatment decisions, side-effects and logistical challenges. The focus is on getting through it. It’s mostly when treatment ends that a survivor has the space to process everything that has happened. Because a cancer diagnosis can shake one’s sense of control and predictability, anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress are common.
One of the greatest anxieties experienced by cancer survivors is the fear of recurrence. Any pain, bodily change or upcoming scan can trigger intense anxiety. Some become increasingly hypervigilant by continuously scanning for treats, which can be exhausting. The term ‘scanxiety’ was coined to describe the anxiety that arises in the lead up to medical tests, scans or follow-up appointments.
Grief amidst the Gratitude
Surviving does not mean living. There is often support present when one is undergoing active treatment, but there is little recognition for the emotional distress that accompanies remission. Cancer survivors often experience deep grief over ‘living losses’. One may be deeply grateful for having survived, yet still grieve things such as changes in the body, loss of fertility, lost opportunities, career setbacks, altered relationships and loss of hope for the future.
Disconnection
Many survivors also feel disconnected from others. While others may assume that a survivor’s life is back to normal, the reality is often that their lives are permanently changed. Priorities and perspectives undoubtedly shift during such a life-changing experience. Survivors begin to think differently about what is important, about their relationships, careers and what they invest their time and energy in. This can create disconnection from loved ones, as priorities and interests may no longer be aligned.
The Path to Emotional Healing
- Acknowledge and feel your feelings. While there is often pressure to think positive, it is appropriate to experience difficult emotions during a life-changing experience. Emotional suppression can increase distress.
- Practice self compassion. Cancer may force one to improve patience. Give yourself grace and do the best you can, given your capacity.
- Social support can improve emotional wellbeing, but this requires knowing what kind of support if helpful for you and who to seek it from.
- Focus on what you can control. While there is a lot not in control, focusing on what one can control can bring peace and calm.
- Seek professional support if necessary.
Supporting a Loved One who is a Survivor
- Instead of offering positive words that may not land, rather hold space for them to feel and share authentically.
- Listen to understand, instead of sharing unsolicited advice or platitudes.
- Show empathic curiosity so you can understand how their life has changed and discuss different ways to socialise that may support where they are emotionally.
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