In homes, offices and communities around South Africa, women quietly juggle a multitude of tasks – an invisible weight that can lead to exhaustion, burnout and mental health challenges.
The mental load refers to the cognitive and emotional labour involved in managing daily life. It’s more than just tasks and chores; it’s also about remembering things, planning ahead, anticipating possible challenges and ensuring that everything runs smoothly. Imagine a women leading an important meeting at work, while remembering what groceries need to be restocked at home, anticipating that her husband’s medication is about to run out and needs to be bought, thinking about what to cook, remembering that her mother-in-law’s birthday is coming up and she needs to buy a gift, making a mental note to buy rugby tickets and needing to check up on a friend who has been having a hard time. Some of these tasks are for her to do, others are for her to plan, some she needs to think about and others she needs to manage.
The mental load doesn’t just affect mothers or married women, Single women, working professionals, daughters, caregivers and even teenagers often carry these invisible responsibilities. Whether it’s organising family get-togethers, supporting loved ones emotionally or being the default person to notice and fix problems, many women are raised and socialised to be the one who holds it all together.
The mental load contributes to higher levels of chronic stress, anxiety, sleep disturbances and burnout in women. There’s no debate that women shoulder the planning and emotional responsibilities at both home and at work leading to increased risk of depression and anxiety. Further, carrying the mental load and erode one’s self worth over time. When everything depends on a woman having to remember, plan or manage, this can become attached to her identity and a marker of her value. But the reality is that the pressure is unsustainable. More importantly, the lack of recognition for her cognitive effort can lead to resentment, emotional exhaustion, irritability and strained relationships.
While systemic and cultural shifts are essential to change, here are some tips that can help ease the burden:
- Name it to tame it: start by acknowledging and naming the mental load. Having the language to describe it can make it easier to communicate and share with others.
- Delegate and ask for help: Decide on what you feel most comfortable delegating, without having to micromanage. Allow others to take full responsibility of some tasks, while accepting that they are unlikely to do it as you would.
- Set boundaries: you don’t have to be the go-to person for everything. Decide what you would like to do, and decline other requests politely.
- Use external tools: planners, electronic diaries and shared to-do lists can help offload the mental clutter and distribute tasks more visibly with others.
- Schedule mental rest: rest is not just for the body, but also for the mind. Engage in activities that help you disconnect from responsibilities. It could be reading, a walk in nature, meditating or even doing nothing.
A mentally healthy women is not one who does it all, but one who knows that she doesn’t have to. Your worth is not determined by what you do.
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