The old saying goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” Sometimes, parenting can be a whirlwind venture with making it through a week of school runs, packed lunches and bedtimes being a big enough challenge. Sometimes, we only pay attention when something goes wrong. In the case of bullying, the aftereffects can be detrimental to your child’s mental health with knock on affects for their behaviour, social patterns and academic performance. Most children will encounter bullying at some point but the good news is that you can build resilience into your family and prepare your children to resist the worst.
Teach your child to recognise bullying
Help your child to clearly define in their own words what bullying is. What is the difference between bantering, a mean comment and deliberate targeting? You might want to think through scenarios together that would constitute bullying and at what point reporting the offender would be appropriate. Bullying can include a spectrum of physical violence, manipulation, or emotional abuse. Make it clear that none of this is acceptable.
Pay attention to how your child does or doesn’t describe events
Keep a running conversation about your child’s interactions at school. Form a family routine where you habitually ask each other about your days. This could be any shared time that you have together like in the car on the way home from school, at the dinner table or at bedtime. Ask questions that express your interest in your child’s social life. If a child avoids discussing another child or makes offhand remarks like ‘I don’t like Siyanda’, it’s important to press further. Continue to follow up on the progress of their personal relationships.
Build Inner Resilience
Psychologists say that children who are resilient to negative events have the following traits in common: A positive outlook on life, high self-esteem, involved parents, an ability to express emotions, and problem-solving abilities. These are all characteristics that you can encourage and nurture. Make sure to watch the way in which you talk about yourself around your children. Children absorb what they hear into their own internal self-talk. Inner resilience is like a cushion that softens the blow of the inevitable adversities of life. Building resilience will mean children can stand up to bullies on their own.
Tap into your community
It takes a village to raise a child. Say it with me: We are not alone. It’s ok to be the one to start the conversation. Speak to teachers and other parents in your community.
Here are some ways you can tap into your community:
- Initiate conversations with parents to share experiences and perspectives on bullying.
- Find out: What is the school policy on bullying?
- Phone the school and request access to any school resources on bullying. These could be guides for parents or material directed to children.
- Ask teachers directly what their methods are to address or prevent bullying.
- Write an email to the school requesting workshops or speakers to address the topic of bullying and bullying prevention.
- If you are connected to families at other schools, you can share what you’ve learned with them and ask them to do the same for you.
A proactive approach to bullying can give your child confidence and help them to feel supported. With a combination of open dialogue, a focus on resilience, and a connected community, you can help to protect your child from the effects of bullying.
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